Dead Dreams And Dirty Clothes
by Rincewind2.0
Summary: Grimmjow, son of two addicts, is trying to make it through each day while taking care of his little sister Neliel. Balancing between college, looking after his sister and trying to fend off the bailiffs and dealers, there's little pleasure left in his life. There are two people who'd want to help however, but which of them can break through to Grimmjow?
1. Chapter 1

_**I really hope this hasn't been done before, I don't read that many fics these days, especially Grimm&Ichi ones so it's possible this isn't the most original of ideas. I had the idea playing in my head after reading about the life of the underprivileged and wanted to use that somehow, and these were the characters I thought fitted the bill. Though Grimmjow is bit OOC here, sorry about that but I think it's near impossible to write him completely in character in an AU, especially if he will be paired with someone. That's my excuse anyway. Tell me what you think and I'll try to make this make sense. Anyway, to the story! Read&Review, my pretties.**_

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**Dead Dreams And Dirty Clothes**

_**Chapter 1. Wrong from the start**_

It was again one of those days Grimmjow wished he was dead. Or better yet, his parents were. Or that they would at least be the kind of people who were fit to be parents in the first place. Grimmjow gritted his teeth as he stared at the mess that was supposed to be his home, but it was again in such a state he could barely bring himself to step inside. It was only because his mother saw him before he could sneak out that he didn't make a run for it. She looked like a mess too, as if she had been ransacked along with the house. Her hair was greasy and filled with knots, her clothes stained and ripped, her nails bitten short to the cuticles and her eyes were bloodshot as usual. Grimmjow could smell the booze from afar.

"Grimm? Oh thank God it was you, I thought they had come back..." Grimmjow didn't need to ask who his mother meant and forced the front door shut after him, kicking some of the rubble out of the way first. His mother was wringing her hands as she eyed the front room, embarrassment making her pasty skin take on a pinker shade.

"It's not as bad as the last time, is it Grimm?" she asked, giving her son a hesitant look as he peeled off his hoodie, "I mean, they only took the TV, I managed to hide your camera before they came..."

"My camera?" Grimmjow finally spoke, turning to look at his mother properly first time since he had come in. She nodded eagerly, a hint of a smile now in her nervous eyes.

"Yeah, I know how long you saved for it...It's yours after all, we can do without a TV for a while anyway..."

"Yeah, yeah" Grimmjow cut her off, he wasn't in the mood for talking right now, "where's Nel?"

"She's at a friend…I think…" Grimmjow's mother's voice trailed off as she could sense the storm building inside her son. Grimmjow closed his eyes and gritted his teeth again, the familiar pain thumping behind his eyes.

"You think?" he hissed as he made his way through the chaos, kicking things out of his way as he went, "she's fucking six years old and you THINK you know where she is?"

"I'm sorry Grimm, but you know how she is! I can't keep up with her…" Grimmjow replied with a bitter laugh as he crouched down to pick up something from the wreckage.

"Yeah well maybe you should've thought of that before getting knocked up, shouldn't you now?" he snapped at her, feeling grim satisfaction seeing her face twist into a shocked grimace.

"Grimmjow…" she tried but he wasn't listening anymore, pushing past her out of the house and grabbing his hoodie back.

"I'll go get her, you do whatever the fuck you want. Oh wait, you always do that anyway." With that he slammed the front door shut before his mother had time to say anything and rushed down the street, pulling his hoodie back on. An old woman pushing a shopping trolley filled with trash and filth walked ahead of him, making him jump on the brick fence lining the street and run on top of it for few yards before jumping back to the street. He took a shortcut through a scrap yard, skirting past wrecked cars and other junk, jumping over a chain link fence and almost tearing his jeans again in the process.

As he finally made it back to the street, he almost run straight into someone and did a quick side-step to avoid the crash. The person got scared anyway and stumbled back, almost falling down. Grimmjow reached to grab their hand and pulled them back into balance, only then noticing it was actually a girl about his age. However he didn't have time to waste on her at the moment.

"Watch it" he said before turning his back to her and continuing his run, being only faintly aware that she shouted something after him. Grimmjow figured it was abuse, it was most likely.

Grimmjow took one last turn and ended up in a street much nicer than the one he lived on, his face freezing into a deep frown as he jogged towards the house he was looking for. He hated doing this, hated his mother for making him do this time and time again. Hated the fact that she couldn't do this herself. _I swear if he has that fucking smile on his face again I'll punch his lights out, _Grimmjow thought as he came to the right house, his innards twisting into a knot as he walked across the tidy yard with a swing and a nice car parked in the driveway. He could already hear noises from inside the house, children laughing and playing and a deeper voice trying to be heard over the commotion. Grimmjow hesitated only a second before knocking on the door and then jumping back from the steps, swinging back and forth on his heels as he waited for someone to open the door.

"Wait, I'll get it!" Grimmjow tensed as he heard the voice and knew who he would have to see again. _See his smug face and that ridiculous hair, that stupid grin of his…Fucking idiot._

The door opened and Grimmjow could see how nice the house looked on the inside as well. There was no trash on the floor, no broken things lying around, everything looked cozy and nice. But the worst was the person holding the door, a guy few years younger than him, looking at Grimmjow with his brown soft eyes that knew nothing about real life. His face melted into a wide grin as he saw Grimmjow standing at the door.

"Hi Grimm, I was wondering when you'd show up."

"Cut the crap, Kurosaki, is Nel here?" Grimmjow felt almost physical pain for having to admit he had no idea where his sister actually was. Especially to Ichigo Kurosaki. To make things worse he just grinned on and nodded, pointing back to the house with his thumb.

"Yeah, she came over to play with Karin and Yuzu. I think they're pretty busy right now but you can come inside and wait if…"

"No, just tell her I'm here" Grimmjow interrupted rudely, not caring that the smile on Ichigo's face waned, "I'll wait." Ichigo's face mimicked the scowl Grimmjow was wearing as he took a step back from the door, leaving it open.

"Okay, I'll tell her."

"Good."

Ichigo gave him a long, irritated look to which Grimmjow responded with a mere twitch of an eyebrow before Ichigo went back inside, shouting Nel's name.

"Nel, you're brother's here!" Ichigo would've wanted to add in a descriptive word but held his tongue, not wanting to teach rude words to his little sisters, they'd use them against him some day. It didn't take long before a young girl ran down the hall, almost tumbling on her own legs.

"Grimmy!" she screamed as she ran for the door, already seeing her brother stand outside. Grimmjow grimaced at the use of his nickname, especially as Ichigo turned to look at him with that same smug smirk again.

"Grimmy?" he mouthed at Grimmjow as Nel rushed past him and jumped to Grimmjow's neck, squeezing him tightly.

"Hi Grimmy!" she still screamed, burying her face into Grimmjow's neck. Her brother didn't appreciate this public act of kindness though, and wrung her hands off, lowering her to the ground.

"Let's go home Nel" he told her and turned to leave as Nel grabbed his leg and tried to pull him back.

"But I don't wanna" she whined, tugging on the leg of his jeans.

"Don't argue, get moving" Grimmjow snapped, throwing a quick glance at Ichigo who was still standing at the door, "mom's worried." The mention of their mother made Nel's expression fall and she let go off Grimmjow's jeans, folding her tiny arms cross her chest.

"No she isn't" she argued and Grimmjow could sense a tantrum coming up, and that was the last thing he wanted for Ichigo to witness. This humiliation had lasted long enough. Grimmjow stepped back and hauled Neliel into his arm, throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. This prompted a loud protest from the small girl but Grimmjow was used to it and just started to walk away with the screaming little girl on his shoulder.

"Bye Nel! See you soon!" Ichigo hollered after them, making Grimmjow's anger flare so high he almost turned back but managed to stop himself.

"Bye Itsygo!" the girl shouted back at him, stopping her crying for a second before continuing and punched her small fists against Grimmjow's back and head.

"Lemme go, lemme go!" Grimmjow realized how bad this looked to an outsider so he decided to take another shortcut back home, wanting to avoid anyone calling the social services. Again.

"Shut it Nel" Grimmjow grunted as they walked through a patch of no man's land that had once been a playground. Now the rusty swings only made it look scary as they squeaked in the slow wind. Finally Nel calmed down and started to sulk, still occasionally kicking Grimmjow in the chest.

"I didn't want to leave" she said quietly, sounding hurt. Grimmjow patted her on the head, swallowing down his answer.

"You should tell mom where you're going, she gets worried" he said instead, hearing Nel scoff at his words.

"No she doesn't" she said and this time Grimmjow stayed quiet. She was getting too smart for her own good, she was growing up too fast. Grimmjow had no idea what he'd do when she would be too old for him to just bring her home from playdates. The thought made his hand clench into a hard fist and his grip on Nel tightened, making her squeal.

"Sorry" he muttered as he came to another chain link fence, "hold on." Neliel gripped onto his hoodie as Grimmjow used both of his hands to climb over the fence and then jumped down, somewhere in the distance he could hear sirens and thanked their luck he had decided to stay out of public roads. Neliel started fidgeting again as he kept walking across the wasteland.

"Put me down, I wanna walk" she insisted and Grimmjow obliged, not stopping to wait on her. She had to run to keep up with him, her short legs blurring as she ran.

"You're going too fast" she complained as she tried to keep up with his pace.

"You're too small" Grimmjow countered.

"You're too big" Nel said and stuck her tongue out to him. Grimmjow tried to glare at her but a smile tugged on his mouth, making the look ineffective. Neliel responded with a wide smile, her missing front tooth made her look ridiculous.

"You shouldn't go there" Grimmjow said suddenly, killing Nel's smile and ruining the small moment. She scoffed again and looked away, staying behind on purpose so Grimmjow had to finally stop and wait for her to catch up.

"C'mon Nel, it's getting late!" The girl dragged her feet, kicking up dust as she walked. Grimmjow swore under his breath and stomped back to her, stopping right in front of her.

"You want me to drag you home, is that it?" Nel shook her head angrily, apparently silent treatment was her newest weapon. Grimmjow sighed and rubbed his face with his hand, he was tired and hungry, and knew that either of those feelings wouldn't go through any changes in some time.

"Neliel, seriously, haul your ass back home or I will tell mom…"

"No!" Neliel whipped her head around, staring at Grimmjow with widened eyes, "You can't…"

"Yes I can, unless you pick up the speed and get home, right now" Grimmjow replied, staring his little sister dead in the eye to make sure he was serious, "you wanna try me?" Neliel tried to answer to his gaze but gave up quickly, to a six-year-old personal secrets were more important than anything else.

"Okay" she said in a small voice, making Grimmjow feel even worse.

"Right, let's get going then."

Grimmjow and Neliel came back to a dark house. First Grimmjow thought the electricity had been cut off again but then he remembered that he had already fixed that problem with some homemade engineering. He flicked on the lights, revealing the same wreckage as before. Neliel hid behind his legs as they walked in, Grimmjow listening for any sounds.

"Mom?" he called out, kicking aside some of the glass shards from a broken picture frame, "You home?" Neliel grabbed tight onto Grimmjow's jeans again, shivering lightly.

"Grimmy, I'm scared" she whispered as no one answered to his call.

"Don't be" he said, reaching to pat her on the head, "it's okay, she's probably out getting dinner." Neliel said nothing and Grimmjow could guess that this lie hadn't gone down like it used to. _She's getting too smart. _

"No she's not" Nel said, sounding tired and frightened, "she's not."

"You don't know that" Grimmjow argued, "stay here, I'll check upstairs." Neliel wrapped her arms around his leg.

"Don't leave me alone" she pleaded but Grimmjow didn't want to risk her seeing something that might scar for her life. _Well, worse than she already is, _he thought as he pulled Nel's hands off and sat her down.

"I'll be right back, just stay here and…Count sheep or something."

"But I'm not tired."

"Well count cats then, I dunno. Just stay there."

Grimmjow left Neliel sitting in the front room, hoping she wouldn't cut herself on anything as he quickly rushed upstairs, heading to their mother's bedroom. The room was empty and surprisingly not in the same state as downstairs. The relief was only momentary as Grimmjow could see a packet of condoms on the bedside table, opened and then spotted some wrappings on the floor. A wave of disgust rushed over him as he realized how his mother had saved his camera. Trying to clear his head Grimmjow closed the door and approached the bathroom door down the hall. The door was slightly ajar and Grimmjow drew in a deep breath before kicking it open. His whole body deflated as there was no one in there and turned to go back downstairs. Suddenly his mobile went off in his pocket, nearly scaring the life out of him with its sharp ringing.

"Jesus fucking Christ" he grunted as he almost tore his hoodie trying to grab his phone from its pocket.

"Yeah, what?" he answered to the phone, confusing the caller for few seconds before they could talk.

"I think you'll find it's 'hello'" a low, almost morose voice responded from the other end of the line. Grimmjow leaned his back against the wall, rubbing his face with his hand again.

"Fuck you too Ulquiorra. What do you want?"

"I just thought you should know. Your mother is here." Grimmjow punched the wall behind him, exhaling heavily before even trying to say anything.

"Figures" he grumbled, pushing himself off the wall, "can you make sure she doesn't wander off, I'm coming there."

"Better hurry up, I'm not a babysitter."

"No shit" Grimmjow spat as he hung up while walking down the stairs, "Nel, I found mom." The little girl was gnawing on her nails, she hadn't moved an inch from where Grimmjow had left her. She stared at Grimmjow with her big eyes widened from fright and Grimmjow realized he probably should've rephrased that.

"Ulquiorra called, she's over there. You wanna come get her?"

"Mm-hm" Nel nodded and rose to her feet, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Where's your coat, it's getting cold out" Grimmjow asked as they walked out of the house again. Neliel lowered her head, looking embarrassed.

"I left it at Itsygo's house" she mumbled so quietly Grimmjow barely heard. He sighed again, the thumping in his head was getting stronger by the hour.

"Okay, I'll get it tomorrow. You can have my hoodie" he said taking of his shirt and threw it to his sister. Neliel pulled the oversized hoodie over her head, the hem almost touched the ground as she walked. Grimmjow's skin rose to goosepumps as the cold breeze blew past them, he only had a t-shirt on now. The streetlights were flickering above them, making the abandoned houses lining the street look even creepier than they were. Broken windows, burned trash cans, boarded up doors and overgrown lawns dominated the neighborhood, the houses themselves filled with failed individuals no one wanted to know about, much less see them.

Grimmjow glanced at Neliel patting beside him and again played with the idea of just taking off and leaving all this behind. But however tempting the idea was, it was harder to actually do anything than just think about it and brag. Grimmjow had realized this few years ago and after that stayed pretty quiet about his future plans. He knew there was no point in making them anyway, his fate was pretty much sealed. Nel's however...

Neliel twisted her head back and pointed at the sky.

"Look Grimmy" she said, a smile splitting her face, "stars." Grimmjow craned his neck back too and saw few distant stars shining on the sky, the smoke clouds from the nearby factories had cleared for the moment the reveal the dark blue sky.

"Cool" he said, though he much preferred looking at the smile on Nel's face, "but keeps your eyes on the road, you'll walk into a hobo." Neliel giggled and wrapped her arms around her small body, looking up at her brother.

"Hobo" she repeated, her laughter getting louder and she spun around, tottering ahead, "funny." Grimmjow shook his head, fighting the smile trying to twist his mouth.

"Yeah, well see if you're still laughing when one comes up and tries to eat you." Neliel's face fell for a second and then she kicked Grimmjow on his shin.

"You're being mean!" she accused him, sticking her tongue again. Grimmjow laughed, reaching down to ruffle her hair.

"Don't yell, it attracts the hobos" he smirked and rushed his steps, forcing Nel run to keep up with him.

"Grimmy, I'm telling mom!" Grimmjow laughed again, already jogging down the street.

"Better keep up, hobos love little girls!"

"Grimmy, stop! Stop!" Grimmjow slowed down, teasing Neliel by smirking back at her, irking her to run faster. Just for few minutes, if he could make her forget about their life, it would be enough.

"C'mon, mom's waiting" he said as Neliel finally made it to his side, her cheeks reddened and breathing heavy.

"Carry me-e-e" she pleaded, raising her arms up. Grimmjow rolled his eyes but swept the girl into his arm and lifted her on his shoulder where she could observe her surroundings from a higher ground. She pulled on Grimmjow's thick blue hair, giggling like the little girl she was.

"Hey, stay still there or you'll fall off" he warned her, though without any real threat in his voice for once.

"Okay Grimmy" Nel said, settling down and staying quiet for the rest of the way. Grimmjow shook his head, feeling the smile still on his face. He tried to enjoy the feeling of it, knowing it wouldn't last long. It never did.

They could finally see the bright lights shining ahead as they came to the small pharmacy at the end of the street, it was the only local service that hadn't been moved downtown. Grimmjow lowered Nel to the ground as they walked inside where it was warm and bright. Grimmjow was reminded of Ichigo's house and he felt the sting of jealous rage again, trying to shake it off for the moment.

"Mommy!" Nel shouted and ran for the woman sitting near the cashier. The pale skinned young man behind the counter stared at Grimmjow as he followed Nel, who had already leaped into their mother's arms.

"Hi little one" she murmured as she stroked Nel's vividly green, cropped hair. Grimmjow tasted bitter in his mouth and nodded for Ulquiorra to step to the side.

"How long has she been here?" he asked, not really bothering to lower his voice.

"Half an hour, I called you when she didn't leave" Ulquiorra said, his monotone voice sounded as bored as ever. Grimmjow glanced back at his small family, currently cooing at each other in the corner.

"She looks worse than the last time" Ulquiorra remarked dryly, making Grimmjow glare at him.

"None of your business" Grimmjow growled as he turned to walk to his mother and sister.

"She asked for needles" Ulquiorra said so just Grimmjow could hear. The young man stopped for a second and shook his head, then continued to his mother.

"Right, let's go home" he said, prying Nel from his mother's arms. His mother said nothing, just avoided his cold eyes and shuffled out of the pharmacy.

"Bye Ulqui!" Neliel bid as they left. The young man stared after them, tilting his head to one side with slight curiosity.

Once outside Grimmjow walked promptly past his mother, not slowing down even when he heard her rush after them.

"Hey Grimm" she wheezed, trying to keep up with her son's long strides, "wait up, what's the rush?"

"It's late, Nel's gotta go to bed" Grimmjow replied sharply. Neliel cowered at his voice and stayed quiet, closing her eyes as if the shut out reality. The three walked back to their empty home in silence and Grimmjow took Nel to his room, putting her to bed. She didn't resist though she wasn't that tired, she could sense when her brother wouldn't listen to any objections.

"Go to sleep" Grimmjow said to her before walking out of the room and turning off the lights. Neliel screwed her eyes shut again, the darkness didn't feel nearly as scary like that.

As Grimmjow walked back to the front room his mother was standing in the middle of it, again looking lost and nervous. Grimmjow felt disgusted and looked away.

"Grimm, please…" she started again but Grimmjow didn't listen.

"Go to sleep" he said, repeating his words, "I don't want to look at you now." His mother whined quietly but did as she was told, hiccuping as she held back the sobs. Once Grimmjow was alone he sunk to the floor, burying his face into his hands. He would've thrown a fit or cried but was sure once he started he couldn't stop. So instead he stayed there, slowly dozing off to sleep and sliding down to the floor. His dreams were bright and warm, but then shattered into dirty fragments when he tried to touch them. He could hear laughter ringing in his ears as he fell down in his dream, only to wake up with a bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn't sure which was worse, the dream or the reality. Sometimes he wished he wouldn't wake up. _At least in dreams you can't feel the pain._

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_Everything's bit of a mess still, hope you're not too confused. It'll come clear in time, don't worry, I just wanted to start off with a shorter chapter to see if anyone even wants to read more on this. _


	2. Chapter 2

_**As with all my stories at the moment, the updates are few and far between due to exams and deadlines that just keep piling up. I really wanted to continue this story but what can you do? Anyway, here's some more dynamics between the main characters, hinting a bit toward the possible pairings. See if you can spot them.**_

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_**Chapter 2. I know I'm just dirt**_

Nel hopped quietly down the stairs, she was shivering from cold as there was no proper heating in the house. She was barefoot, feeling the rough surface of the carpet under her soles. As she made it downstairs she could see that the mess from last night had been cleaned up, there was no more glass on the floor. Neliel sniffed the air and smiled as she smelled something sweet coming from the kitchen. She continued skipping towards the smell, already humming a soft tone to herself in gleeful anticipation.

Grimmjow was cooking something on the stove, his back to Neliel as she went quiet and tried to sneak up on her brother. Just as she was going to latch onto his leg, Grimmjow spoke.

"Don't even think about it." Nel's hands lopped down and she let out a disappointed moan.

"How can you always know?" she whined as she walked to Grimmjow's side, trying to see what he was doing.

"Go sit down, it's not ready yet" Grimmjow told her, nudging her back with his leg.

"What is it?"

"You'll see." Neliel huffed out a disappointed breath but waddled to the table, climbing onto her chair. After few long minutes Grimmjow finally turned the stove off and poured whatever was on the pan into a plate and served it to Nel.

"Pancakes!" she rejoiced as the plate was placed in front of her, "Yummy!" She was about to gorge down her breakfast when she noticed there was only one plate on the table. Grimmjow was leaning into the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Aren't you having any?" Nel asked him, her tiny fingers tearing off a piece of pancake. He shook his head. The ingredients for the pancakes were from goodwill, and Grimmjow wouldn't touch them. The only reason he even got them was for Neliel, she needed to live on something else besides canned beans and noodles. That was actually the one thing that had become easier after Grimmjow's dad had vanished few months ago. Despite being an addict and a drunk, he was too proud to take in any charity from anyone, even if it meant seeing his children nearly starve. Grimmjow was proud like his father, but not selfish or stupid. Neliel was still a child, she didn't have to suffer for the sins of her misguided parents. Besides this way there was more food left for Nel.

"Nope, it's just for you" he said, emptying his cup in one go and putting it to the sink, "I gotta go, you stay here, alright? No fooling around." Nel pouted her mouth at him, a piece of pancake dropping from her lips.

"But I wanna go play with Yuzu and Karin and Itsygo" she moaned. Grimmjow's brow twitched at the mention of Kurosaki's name but then laughed as he realized what Nel was calling him.

"'Itsygo'? Is that his name?" Neliel's face split into a wide smile and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, he likes it! His real name is boring."

"Well you're right about that" Grimmjow chuckled, reaching to tousle Nel's hair as he picked up his pack bag, "stay at home, I won't be long. Then we need to go to the doctor, remember?" Nel pouted again, picking at her pancakes.

"I don't like the new doctor. He's weird." Grimmjow held back a groan, Kurosaki's father had used to be their doctor but they couldn't afford his private clinic anymore. They had to go to the local health center, and the doctor there was really weird.

"I'll be there to see he doesn't do anything weird, it's okay. Now eat before it gets cold." Neliel nodded and went back to her breakfast. Grimmjow smiled faintly and then rushed out, not wanting to stay long enough to witness his mother waking up. The mornings were getting colder every day, Grimmjow pulled his hoodie closer to his body to fight of the chill. He didn't have any spare clothes, his jacket from last year was so tattered it barely held together. He had spent all his money buying clothes for Nel, and he refused to get any clothes from goodwill for himself. He had enough humiliation coming up his way as it was already.

Grimmjow's mood dropped even lower as he arrived at his college, the local community college had been paired with the city college so on top of the shame of having to mingle with the obnoxious college kids, they all knew he wasn't a real student who could afford to pay for his education. Grimmjow had dealt with such thing before with straight-up violence until the counselor had pointed out that next time he would get expelled. Grimmjow wasn't stupid, he knew he needed better education to provide for Neliel, he couldn't just go around doing shitty dead- end jobs forever if he wanted for Neliel to have something better. So this one time he swallowed his pride and took it, the sneering and the looks, the rolling of eyes at his way. Thinking of Neliel kept him sane.

Grimmjow walked inside the college building, already feeling shivers of disgust run down his spine as he passed a group of jocks hanging by their lockers. He tried to make himself invisible, hating himself for it and ground his teeth but managed to get away this time. But his relief was only momentary as he saw a familiar head of hair down the corridor, standing by his locker and laughing loudly at some stupid joke one of his stupid friends had told. Grimmjow hissed in a breath as he prepared himself for this. He walked up to Ichigo, shoulders back and head held high, excruciatingly aware of how Kurosaki was wearing clothes that looked like they had been ripped straight out of a catalogue, whereas he hadn't washed his own for a week, trying to save on the water bill. Grimmjow stopped a good few feet from Kurosaki and cleared his throat.

"Oi, Kurosaki." The young man turned around, and immediately flashed him that disgusting smile.

"Hi Grimmy" he greeted, knowingly using his newest nickname, "I was waiting when you'd show up." Grimmjow scoffed, turning his head away and leaning his weight on his other foot.

"I'm not here to talk" he started but was cut off as Ichigo raised his hand.

"Yeah I know, I know" he said, turning to open his locker and pulled out a plastic bag, handing it to Grimmjow, "here." Grimmjow snatched the bag into his hand and quickly peered inside, Nel's old, light green coat was inside. He turned to leave, without saying a word when Kurosaki yelled after him.

"She can come by anytime she wants to, you know."

"She can't" Grimmjow snapped, stopping to glare at Kurosaki over his shoulder, "and you know that." Kurosaki nodded his head up, cocking his hip in an incredulous stance.

"Why not? She looks like she needs friends." Grimmjow's shoulders tensed at his words. He turned on his heel and stomped back, glaring Kurosaki straight in the eye. The young man's friends behind him looked worried. Grimmjow had a reputation of being a nutcase, and he had a real problem with Ichigo for some reason.

"Keep out of our lives, okay?" Grimmjow snarled at him, "You have no fucking clue what you're talking about." Ichigo looked at Grimmjow with calm eyes, irking him even more.

"I do know, Grimmjow" he said in a low tone so his friends wouldn't hear, "and we want to help. It's not a big deal…"

"Shut it!" Grimmjow snapped, making Ichigo's friends flinch but the young man himself stayed put, "Don't ever fucking talk to me like that. We don't need your charity, or your pity. So just save it." Grimmjow turned his back to Ichigo and stormed out, pushing unfortunate passers-by out of his way. Ichigo stared after him, shaking his head. One of his friends, a girl with long orange hair and kind eyes walked to him, touching his arm gingerly.

"Are you okay, Ichigo?"

"Yeah yeah, 'tis nothing Orihime" Ichigo said, turning back to his friends, "he's just having rough time." Another friend of his, a skinny young man with sleek black hair, pushed his spectacles back on his nose.

"He's been having rough time ever since I've known him" Uryuu Ishida said, throwing a glance at Grimmjow's receding back. Ichigo shrugged his shoulders, his fingers squeezing the strap of his pack bag.

"It's not his fault, it's…" he started but then snapped his mouth shut, knowing Grimmjow would surely kill him if he told his friends about his situation. Grimmjow already hated his guts, for reason or other, it had always been a mystery to him. Years ago, when Neliel had been just a baby and Ichigo's father had looked after her, they had been something like friends. But that had all changed and nowadays Grimmjow was just filled with bitterness and hate against everything and everyone, except for his little sister. Ichigo wondered what had happened, he couldn't help but to feel worried, knowing of their situation. Grimmjow's parents weren't the best kind to have, and apparently his father had left them few months ago, causing his mother to have a mental breakdown which had made her own condition even worse.

"Never mind" Ichigo said, knowing his friends were unsatisfied, "let's get to class."

* * *

Grimmjow spend his day sitting in the back of lecture halls, trying to write down notes but kept looking at the clock on the wall every other minute. The second the clock turned three he jumped up and almost ran out, knocking down a mousy looking girl student whose books and notes spread across the stairs. Grimmjow stopped for a second but he knew he didn't have time to stop and actually help her.

"Watch it" he snapped instead though he knew it had been his fault. The girl looked scared as she scrambled for her papers.

"I think you find it was your fault." Grimmjow groaned as he heard the familiar voice scold him. He turned to see Ulquiorra's impassive face stare at him, despite his words he wasn't making any gesture to help the girl himself.

"Fancy seeing your ugly face here" Grimmjow said as he walked past Ulquiorra, hoping to leave him behind.

"I could say the same thing to you" Ulquiorra replied, turning on his heel to walk with Grimmjow, easily keeping up with his half-running pace.

"Oh yeah, the last time I checked I wasn't the one with only 50 per cent attendance rate."

"Last time I checked I was the one with straight A's." Grimmjow scoffed as he pushed open the main doors of the college and jumped the stairs down in one leap. Ulquiorra was still hot in his heels, managing to keep up with him even though he seemed to be walking calmly, like a serial killer closing in on a running victim.

"Yeah yeah, smartass" Grimmjow huffed, wanting to shake off the college mood off as soon as possible, "listen, I have stuff to do so you can just scram." Ulquiorra tilted his head to one side as he seemed to ponder on Grimmjow's words, taking them as a suggestion instead of an order.

"No, I think I won't."

"Why?" Grimmjow asked, turning to throw an annoyed look at the closest thing he had for a friend.

"I'm bored" Ulquiorra shrugged, looking over his shoulder, "and it seems that wherever you go, there's always something happening."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Grimmjow hastened his steps, he had a feeling staying in the campus for longer would end up in trouble, and his sister was waiting. _She'd better be, _he thought darkly, the memory of yesterday all too bright in his head. _I need to find her a safer place, I can't leave her there anymore. They're getting tougher each time. _

Grimmjow noticed Ulquiorra was still walking with him as they entered his neighborhood. He frowned and quickly glanced around them to see if there was anyone around, in the daytime it was somewhat safe to walk around alone but you could never be too sure. And Grimmjow didn't want a dead body on his conscience, even if it was someone as annoying as Ulquiorra.

"Oi, Ulquiorra" he said, "you might want to go home already. It's not exactly safe in here."

"I know that" Ulquiorra replied, his eyes scanning his surroundings, "that's why I'm here."

"Suicidal much?" Grimmjow grunted back at him. Ulquiorra shrugged again.

"Not really no." Ulquiorra looked up as if the thought had sounded alluring to him.

"If I wanted to kill myself I wouldn't do it by wandering around dangerous neighborhoods. A violent death doesn't suit me. Besides, it's very unpredictable, I might just end up paralyzed or in a vegetative state. No, if I wanted to kill myself I would make sure I died quickly and painlessly."

"I could make that happen right now" Grimmjow muttered under his breath, "except the painless part." Ulquiorra didn't seem to be listening to him.

"Poison is too unreliable, cyanide might just burn my insides, very painful again. So is overdose. And messy, I don't want to soil myself as I die. Guns are messy too, and if my aim is wrong I might just end up mentally retarded. Hanging, unreliable, and difficult, if my neck doesn't break I have to wait until I choke. Plus it would make my face swell."

"Mind talking about this to your shrink and not me?"

"Burning is too painful. Drowning might be good. Though then again by the time they find my body it would be almost unrecognizable. Jumping off a building, might not work if I'm not high enough and again messy." Ulquiorra sighed lightly at his options.

"Is there a clean way to kill yourself?"

"Haven't given it that much thought" Grimmjow answered as they came close to his house, "but yeah, this is my stop, you can go talk about killing yourself to someone who cares. I bet you find some hobo down the road ready to help you out."

"Can't I come in?" Grimmjow stopped and turned to stare.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to invite people to my home."

"Why not?" Grimmjow blinked at Ulquiorra, not sure if he was joking or not.

"Because of reasons. I don't need to explain anything to you" he huffed, turning his back to Ulquiorra to end the discussion. He groaned as he heard the young man still follow him as he walked to the front door of his house. He threw a glare at him over his shoulder.

"Ulquiorra, I fucking mean it. Go home."

"Your sister likes me."

"No she doesn't" Grimmjow snorted, "and even if she did, it doesn't change anything."

"She might appreciate the company."

"Doubt it."

"You can't look after her forever, Grimmjow."

"Watch me."

Grimmjow opened the door and slung his bag to the floor, Ulquiorra still following right behind.

"Nel? Come on, we gotta get going!" Grimmjow called for his sister, stretching his arms above his head. Ulquiorra moved around the small house, curiously touching things and his eyes scanning every wall. He ended up staring at the seemingly empty spot in the living room opposite the couch.

"Where's the television?" he asked Grimmjow, who had ran upstairs.

"What?"

"The television." Grimmjow groaned as he ran back down, holding some papers in his hand that he tucked into his pack bag.

"None of your business" he said to Ulquiorra, who was standing in the middle of the living room, his hands buried into his pockets.

"They took it as payment?" Grimmjow didn't answer, ignoring Ulquiorra's unblinking stare.

"Where is she…" he muttered under his breath, looking around as if Nel was hiding behind a potted plant, "Nel! Come on, we're late already!" There was a quiet rustle from the room behind the living room, Grimmjow's mother's bedroom. A tired-looking Nel walked out of the room, rubbing her eyes. As she noticed Ulquiorra her face split into a wide smile and she waved her hand at him.

"Hi Ulqui" she greeted the young man, who responded with a morose stare.

"C'mon, we need to get going" Grimmjow said, nodding his head towards the door, "you ready?" Neliel pouted her mouth at him again.

"I don't wanna go" she insisted, stomping her little foot against the floor. Ulquiorra's eyes darted between the siblings, Nel's defiance and Grimmjow's growing irritation was fun combination to watch, even for him.

"Well, too bad, you don't get a choice" Grimmjow said with a grin as he dug out the plastic bag with Nel's coat inside and threw it to the girl, "get moving." Neliel whined, refusing to pick up the coat and looked to Ulquiorra for support. The young man stared back at her, unmoving. Neliel finally gave in, grabbing her coat and stomping to Grimmjow in a way that made her objections clear. Grimmjow scoffed and walked to the door, glancing back at Ulquiorra who was following behind Neliel.

"How long are you going to stalk me? Get lost already." Neliel looked up from her feet and her pouting mouth turned upwards, mimicking Grimmjow's grin.

"I'm not going if Ulqui doesn't come too" she announced, folding her arms across her chest and stopped moving again. Grimmjow let a out an almost growling sound from his throat, squeezing the door handle.

"Stop fucking around Nel, I'm really not in the mood." The girl gasped and pointed her finger at her brother.

"You said a bad word!" she exclaimed, though not sounding that shocked, "I'm telling mom!"

"No!" Grimmjow looked furious, his temper flaring under a second, "You'll keep your mouth shut, understand?" Nel stuck her tongue out, the evil glint still in her eyes.

"I'm telling mom, I'm telling mom…" she said in a sing-song voice, making Grimmjow's eyebrow twitch.

"Fine, he can come along" he spat out, glaring at Ulquiorra standing impassively behind Nel, "just shut it."

"Yey!" the girl laughed and jumped up and down, both the young men weren't looking so excited. Then again, Ulquiorra never did and Grimmjow was busy fuming.

The trio made their way towards the health centre, Neliel kept prancing around the street, humming out a tune as Grimmjow marched on, his shoulders pulled to his ears and Ulquiorra busy checking his phone. Grimmjow kept throwing looks at him as his fingers danced on the touch screen.

"The fuck are you playing with that?" he finally asked, getting tired of Nel's constant singing.

"A game" Ulquiorra replied, keeping his eyes on the screen. Grimmjow scoffed but then moved closer so that he was walking a step behind him, peering over Ulquiorra's shoulder. He frowned at the small objects running around the screen.

"What is that?" he asked, pointing at a moving figure on the screen. Ulquiorra slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch it, you idiot, you're ruining my concentration." Grimmjow's face split into a wide smirk and he stretched his arms around Ulquiorra, trying to probe at the screen with all of his fingers. Ulquiorra tried to dodge his attacks and almost ended up falling on his face.

"Grimmjow, stop it!" Nel had stopped and turned to watch as the young men fought over the phone, Grimmjow looming over Ulquiorra's smaller frame and him curling into a ball to hide the phone against his chest. Nel giggled, the sound of her bright laughter waking both Ulquiorra and Grimmjow from their fight. Grimmjow pulled back, shrugging the incident off and walked past Nel.

"C'mon, we're late." Neliel snorted, staring at Ulquiorra whose hair was now tousled and clothes ruffled. Even his cheeks were slightly red. Neliel crept up to his side as they continued walking, Grimmjow leading them on. Nel reached her hand to tug on the leg of Ulquiorra's skinny jeans, prompting his attention.

"You like Grimmy?" she asked, with a grin that was too much reminiscent of Grimmjow's. Ulquiorra blinked at her silently. Nel giggled again, lolling her head from side to side.

"You do!" she rejoiced, hopping up and down, "Ulqui likes Grimmy, Ulqui likes…"

"Shut it" Ulquiorra hissed at her, throwing a nervous glance at Grimmjow's back, "whatever it takes, shut it." Nel stopped but this time she just smiled widely, giving Ulquiorra a hideously exaggerated wink while tapping the side of her nose.

"Secret stuff" she whispered before running after Grimmjow, grabbing hold of his leg by wrapping her arms around it. Ulquiorra stayed behind, his fingers had stopped dancing on the screen of his phone and were almost shaking now. _Stupid little child, with her stupid imagination, _he thought as he slowly kept walking after the two siblings, _and stupid me for coming this far. I should've gone home, stayed out of this all. He wouldn't have cared. I shouldn't care, why do I care? _Ulquiorra let out a soft sigh and shook his head as they finally came to the health centre.

Grimmjow had hoisted Nel on his shoulder again to stop her from running around or disappearing into the long blank corridors. Grimmjow walked to the reception desk and talked with the nurse working there as Ulquiorra loitered around the waiting room filled with old, fragile-looking people. He was left staring at one old man who didn't seem to be even breathing until Grimmjow nudged him with his elbow.

"Oi, you wanna stay here with the living dead?" Neliel had started singing a children's song with her high-pitched voice, earning somewhat irritated glances all around the waiting room. The strange trio made their way towards the pediatrician's office that was hidden somewhere in the maze old long corridors. Nel kept banging her little fists against Grimmjow's back and head, making faces at Ulquiorra walking behind them.

"Oi, quit it already" Grimmjow grunted, giving the girl a light slap on her bottom. A nurse walking past them gave Grimmjow the death glare but didn't stop to say anything. Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow but kept quiet as well until they came to the right door and Grimmjow lowered Nel back to her feet again. Almost immediately she tried to run away but Ulquiorra took a sidestep, making her run straight into his skinny legs.

"Owwie!" she complained, rubbing her nose she had hit on Ulquiorra's bony thigh. She kicked his foot in revenge as Grimmjow chuckled in the background.

"You big meanie" she muttered and kept kicking Ulquiorra's foot. The young man just stared down at her, looking slightly confused. He looked up at Grimmjow who just shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets and leaned his back against the wall.

Finally Nel grew tired of abusing Ulquiorra and just slumped down to the floor, her mind slipping into her inner world. Ulquiorra made use of the chance and stepped over to Grimmjow, leaning against the wall beside him. After a short silence he realized Grimmjow wasn't going to strike up any lively conversation so he took the initiative.

"So what's the deal with Kurosaki?" Grimmjow let out a sound that could be best described as something between a moan and growl and his head whipped around to give Ulquiorra harsh stare.

"What's it to you" he spat out, his shoulders tensing up towards his ears again.

"It's just getting ridiculous. People are talking." Grimmjow's eyes turned steely and he straightened himself up, now towering over Ulquiorra's smaller form.

"Who are these 'people' you talk about?" he snarled in a low tone, throwing a quick glance at Nel still sitting on the floor.

"His friends mostly. So basically everyone at college." Grimmjow scoffed, running his hand through his hair with a grimace on his face.

"Like I fucking care" he finally said, "they talk shit about me anyway. Doesn't matter, they're nothing."

"Trash" Ulquiorra added.

"Yeah" Grimmjow seconded, again turning to look at his little sister. Ulquiorra made note of the slight softness in Grimmjow's eyes every time he looked at Nel. A stupid idea popped into his head and almost made it hard to breathe but to his luck the doctor's door opened then and Neliel's name was called. Grimmjow pushed himself off the wall and called for his sister, who was stubbornly sitting on the floor.

"Nel, come on" he ordered as he walked to her and raised her up to her feet, though she stayed limp and almost fell to the floor again. Grimmjow swore under his breath as he carried Nel into the doctor's office, leaving Ulquiorra alone in the corridor.

The doctor keeping the door open stayed slightly behind, giving a curious look at Ulquiorra. He was a man in his mid-forties, with piercing gray eyes hidden behind spectacles and silvery hair, his posture was almost rigidly straight like a soldier's and his demeanor didn't make him out to be a children's doctor. Ulquiorra stared back at him, thinking there was something familiar about the man. The doctor finally closed the door and Ulquiorra was alone. He blinked slowly and then took out his phone again, though he noticed quickly he couldn't really concentrate anymore. He sighed quietly and put his phone back into his pocket, rubbing his face tiredly. _Stupid trash. _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Still going OCC! Wuhuu! And some new faces around, excitement!**_

* * *

_**Chapter 3. It hurts to care**_

Grimmjow leaned against the wall as the doctor listened to Nel's heartbeat, telling her to breathe deep. Nel kept glancing at Grimmjow over her shoulder, looking put off. Grimmjow couldn't really blame her, the doctor wasn't the most assuring sight. His cold, almost lifeless eyes scanned everything with creepy calculation and his teeth kept flashing from behind his lips as if they were too big for his mouth.

"Stand up" the doctor told Neliel, who slid off her chair and turned her back to the man. She stuck her tongue out to Grimmjow as the doctor pressed the stethoscope against her back. She drew in a sharp breath and shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"It's cold" she whined, earning a snort from Grimmjow.

"Don't talk" the doctor said, moving the stethoscope across her back, "breathe in." Neliel drew her lungs full of air, puffing out her cheeks. Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow at her for her exaggeration.

"Alright, and out." Neliel blew the air out with a loud huff, Grimmjow had to duck his head down to hide his grin but the doctor didn't seem amused.

"Okay, sit back." The doctor rolled his chair back to his desk and wrote something down on Nel's file.

"You're still living in that same house?" he asked Grimmjow, but didn't even look at him.

"Yeah, why?" Grimmjow stepped closer to Nel to help her put her shirt back on.

"Judging by her breathing sounds, she might be developing asthma. I'd suggest having the house evaluated for mold." The doctor finally turned to look at the two siblings, eyeing Grimmjow from head to toe. The cold gaze made him feel uneasy.

"Have you experienced any symptoms, shortness of breath, cough, rash?"

"No" Grimmjow shook his head as Nel grabbed his hand, "nothing."

"What about…", the doctor paused to read through Nel's file, "your mother?"

"What about her?" Grimmjow snarled, feeling Nel shift anxiously beside him.

"Has she shown any symptoms lately?" The doctor gave Grimmjow a meaningful look.

"In fact, why isn't she here today?"

"She's at work" Grimmjow lied fluently, not feeling intimidated under the doctor's steely eyes.

"Alright" he finally said and snapped the file shut, "she looks fine, but I'd advice finding a new place to live. That house is a deathtrap, one way or another."

"Thanks" Grimmjow snapped as he helped Neliel down from the bench, "see you again, doc." The doctor said nothing as they left, scribbling on his notes. After the door closed he picked up the phone and dialed a short number.

Ulquiorra was still standing in the hallway, he had been battling with himself on whether to stay or to leave but hadn't yet come to a decision when Grimmjow and Nel exited the doctor's office. Neliel shivered and crossed her arms on her chest.

"Don't say anything" Grimmjow warned her before she even opened her mouth, "we're not going back to Kurosaki."

"Why no-o-ot?" Nel whined, stomping her little foot on the ground, "I don't like him."

"Told you, don't say anything" her brother groaned and threw a quick glare at Ulquiorra, "not today."

"Tomorrow?" Nel tried but Grimmjow was already stomping down the corridor towards the nearest exit. Ulquiorra watched Nel throw a small tantrum but stopped as soon as Grimmjow turned around a corner. She looked up at Ulquiorra, who stared back impassively.

"You should tell him" Nel said, a small smile pinching dimples on her cheeks, "he'll find out anyway."

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Ulquiorra said but Neliel just laughed before he had even finished his sentence.

"Stupid Ulqui, if you're not gonna tell him, Ichi will." Ulquiorra frowned, the girl had suddenly peaked his interest.

"What do you mean?" Before Neliel had time to answer, Grimmjow walked back to the corridor.

"You coming or not? I wanna get out of this hellhole. Now." Neliel quickly patted along the corridor, with Ulquiorra following behind her. He tried to avoid looking at Grimmjow, though the young man was staring at him with raised eyebrows.

"What kept you?" he asked as Ulquiorra walked past him, starting to walk by his side.

"Nothing" the young man answered, he was as good as a liar as Grimmjow was, "just didn't see a point running around like a maniac. I wonder how they haven't locked you up yet." Grimmjow scoffed but there was a slight smirk tugging his lips.

"I'm surprised they let someone like you walk around at all. Think someone would've called the men in white for you ages ago." To Grimmjow's surprise, Ulquiorra managed a slight hum and a smile, his green eyes flashing to Grimmjow for a second.

"Don't think of calling them yourself. They might just take you along with them."

"On the basis of what, exactly?" Ulquiorra's eyes moved above Grimmjow's face and his lips twitched in a smile again. Before he had a chance to spell out his thoughts, Grimmjow had grabbed him by the waist and thrown him over his shoulders.

"Grimmjow, stop it! Put me down this instant!" Ulquiorra protested but Grimmjow just laughed, Neliel joining in and jumping up and down. Grimmjow started to jog along the corridors, Ulquiorra bouncing on his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. They made it all the way out of the hospital until Grimmjow finally lowered Ulquiorra back to his feet, the young man's pale face was flushed and he looked almost disoriented. Ulquiorra pressed his hand on his chest, trying to catch his breath. Grimmjow laughed but patted him on the back, Neliel still running around them.

"Oi, you okay? It wasn't that bad, I just carried you."

"No, I, just…" Ulquiorra mumbled, trying to gather his senses, "I'm fine, just…Let me be." Grimmjow frowned at the sudden change in Ulquiorra's tone but then shrugged, he was used to his strange behavior.

"Fine, whatever. Just trying to have some fun." Grimmjow grabbed Nel as she ran past them and hoisted her on his shoulder, starting to walk back home. Ulquiorra stayed behind, still trying to calm down. As he looked up at Grimmjow, he saw Neliel turning to look back at him and smile, pointing at Grimmjow's head. _Stupid girl, _he thought as he slowly started to follow them, _stupid Grimmjow. Stupid me. Just stupid._

* * *

"Oi, Kurosaki!" Ichigo was walking home from the shop when he heard his name being called, even through the music on his headphones. There was only one person he knew would cry out his name like that in the middle of a busy street. Ichigo groaned as he snatched the headphones from his ears and turned around to see a young man weaving through the mass of people on the street, pushing away some middle-aged woman with two small children. As he came closer, Ichigo could see he had changed his hair. It used to be long, almost reaching down to his hips but now it looked like it had been cut with garden scissors, cropped and spiky, some strands reaching over his eyes. But the look in his eyes was the same, the mischievous glint and that wicked smile glued to his face was the same as Ichigo remembered.

"Shiro" Ichigo said as the young man was finally by his side, "haven't seen you in a while." Shiro scoffed, blowing a stubborn strand of hair away from his eyes.

"Yeah, been busy. Got something more interesting than fucking college" he spat out, the corner of his lips crooking upwards, "you still stuck in that shithole?" Ichigo tried to ignore the jabs at his education, knowing in the long run he'd have the last laugh anyway.

"Oh yeah, dealing drugs is a way better option than getting a degree" Ichigo retorted, returning Shiro's twisted grin with a smug smile, "or have you changed professions by now, moving into human trafficking?"

"Hah, very funny" Shiro said as he started to walk by Ichigo's side, quickly falling into the same rhythm, "nah, I'm doing something bit more glamorous than that. Not that it's any of your business."

"Not that I even care" Ichigo sneered back, "why are you back here anyway, I thought you skipped town for good."

"Got into bit of a trouble, had to come here to cool off my heels" Shiro said as he reached into his back pocket for cigarettes, earning a stern glare from Ichigo.

"You're gonna die young" he noted to Shiro as he lighted up. The young man smirked back, his ashen hair falling back to his eyes.

"I hope I do" he replied, winking at Ichigo as he tucked the cigarettes back into his pocket, "how's everyone else?"

"By everyone you mean Hime, right?" Ichigo smirked, "She's good, so stay away from her. How long are you going to stay this time?" Shiro shrugged, Ichigo could almost swear he had lost weight since the last time he had seen him. Shiro always came back around when he was in too deep a trouble to settle it on his own, but he also tended to bring some troubles with him. Ichigo couldn't remember a time when Shiro hadn't been in trouble on some level, and when he hadn't been appointed with the task of helping his estranged cousin out of trouble.

"As long as I have to. Hey, is that blue-haired freak still around?" Ichigo frowned, he wasn't aware that Shiro knew Grimmjow.

"Grimmjow? Yeah, kinda. Why?"

"Good, some company" Shiro said, rolling his shoulders back with an audible pop, "he still lives in that shithouse?"

"Dunno, haven't really talked to him lately" Ichigo said quietly, Shiro immediately picking up on his change of tone. He nudged Ichigo with his elbow.

"Oi, what's up? You got into a fight with your boyfriend?"

"He's not…" Ichigo snapped before he managed to bite his tongue, "He hates me for some reason, his Dad left and his Mom isn't doing so well. Nel keeps coming to our house and he hates it."Shiro raised eyebrows at Ichigo's quick explanation, making Ichigo wonder even more why he was even asking about Grimmjow.

"Why?"

"How the hell should I know", Ichigo said "it's not like he ever told me anything, much less so now. I just… I don't get him." Shiro let out a snorting laugh, smoke puffing out of his mouth.

"What's there to get, you sound like he's actually your boyfriend or something" he chuckled, "which wouldn't surprise me, much."

"Just shut up" Ichigo sighed tiredly, barely five minutes in Shiro's company and he was already pissed off, "where you going to stay anyway?"

"I thought it was obvious" Shiro said as he flicked his cigarette away and turned to smirk at Ichigo, "with you, of course."

"No freaking way" Ichigo blurted out, "we are not doing that again. It took me weeks to clear out all the shit you left behind. And I almost got kicked out because of that party."

"Oh c'mon, it was a small get-together with few close friends" Shiro jeered, laughter making his shoulders jump, "you're just being a drama queen."

"A keg party with fifty people I've never seen in my life is NOT a small get-together" Ichigo argued, "you need to find some other place to stay." Shiro glared at Ichigo and he stared back, neither of them backing down. Finally Ichigo rolled his eyes and sighed, raising his free hand up.

"Okay, fine! But just for few days, if you need to stay longer, you're getting your own place." Shiro's face split into a victorious grin and he slapped Ichigo on the back.

"I knew you would budge. You always do." Ichigo said nothing, he knew this would end badly, as it always did with Shiro. He'd come over, just for few days but it ended up being weeks or even months. His weird friends started coming around, leavings stuff around and eating his food. Ichigo grimaced at the words of his father that rang in his head. _He's family, he's had a tough life. Give him some slack, he has no one else left. _Ichigo scoffed, to him it seemed Shiro had plenty of friends. But then again, his father was right. He had seen Shiro when he had been on the lowest point of his life and that memory would always make him give in to whatever he asked for. Shiro had no qualms of exploiting his pity for his own good.

"Right, so you got food? I'm fucking starving" Shiro asked, peering into Ichigo's groceries.

"Nah, I don't think I have enough for two. Let's take this home and then go back for some more."

"Cool, you do that, I have some stuff I need to do" Shiro said and moved to cross the road.

"Hey, what, where are you going?"

"I'll catch you later, Ichi, don't worry" Shiro winked at him before running across the street, quickly disappearing among the traffic. Ichigo tried to shout after him but Shiro was gone, or just didn't care.

"For…God's sake" Ichigo groaned as he tightened his grip on his groceries and continued walking home. He wondered what kind of trouble Shiro was in this time, and how he would have to solve it for him, again. He just hoped this time Shiro would at least stay away from his friends.

* * *

Grimmjow was sitting on the back porch of his home, staring at the sunset while smoking a cigarette. Nel was playing upstairs, their mother had disappeared somewhere again. Grimmjow fiddled with his cigarette, trying to empty his head. Ulquiorra had gone off after they had left the hospital, not saying a word. Neliel had been acting weird, as if she had anew secret she was dying to tell Grimmjow but wouldn't. He had decided to ignore her for the moment, until she became infuriating. Suddenly there was a knock on the front door. Grimmjow sighed and flicked his cigarette to the ground, quickly bouncing to his feet. The knock was repeated, loudly and more impatiently. Grimmjow rolled his shoulders back and cracked his neck, ready to fence off the bailiffs he was expecting to see behind the door. But when he wrenched the door open, there was someone quite unexpected standing on his front yard.

Shiro flashed Grimmjow a wide smirk, pushing his hood back revealing his newly-shortened hair.

"Yo Grimmjow, whaddup? Long time no see." Grimmjow quickly glanced behind his back and stepped outside, closing the door behind him. He closed the distance between him and Shiro, hissing under his breath.

"The fuck are you doing here?" Shiro didn't seem intimidated by Grimmjow's war face but merely took a cigarette from behind his ear and casually lighted up before even answering, blowing smoke on Grimmjow's face.

"Came to see if you're still around. Not sure if I'm happy or not." Grimmjow frowned, he had never been able to understand Shiro or where he came from. He had always acted like they were friends even though they barely knew each other, Shiro only knew Grimmjow through Ichigo and had started to hang around him, but had never shown any interest of actually befriending him. But somehow he seemed to know more than Grimmjow felt comfortable with.

Grimmjow took a step back, suddenly hoping he'd have Ulquiorra to decipher this strange man for him. He always knew how to read people.

"What do you want, asshole?" Shiro laughed again, his strangely black eyes flashing with amusement.

"I don't _want_ anything Grimmjow. Look at you, what could you possibly have for me?" Grimmjow's hands clenched into fists, his patience was growing very thin very quickly.

"Then get the hell out, you fucking freak. Nobody wants you here, just get lost."

"Ooh, tough guy" Shiro chuckled, tapping ashes to the ground from his cigarette, "you ain't scaring me Grimmy. Not one bit." The two stared at each other quietly, Grimmjow seething with barely contained anger and Shiro trying not to laugh too openly, even he wasn't that stupid as if to invite Grimmjow to beat him up voluntarily.

Finally Grimmjow turned away, tucking his hands deep into his pockets. He didn't want to start anything this close to his home.

"The fuck is it Shiro? Why did you come back here?" he asked, stepping back to sit down on the steps. Shiro shrugged, stomping on his cigarette.

"You know how it is. Things get too tight, gotta change the scenery. Didn't wanna lose my head, literally" he said as he walked to the front door and sat down next to Grimmjow. Shiro glanced at the door and nodded towards the house.

"How's the family? How's your sister doing?"

"What do you care?"

"Just making conversation, asshole." Grimmjow scoffed, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Well, what do you think, smartass? Didn't Kurosaki tell you everything already, that little bitch." Shiro's croaking laugh sounded raspier than Grimmjow remembered.

"He's bit of a bitch, isn't he?" Shiro said, shaking his head, "No, he didn't tell me anything. Didn't really give him a chance. And besides, we don't exactly keep in touch."

"Wonder why." Shiro threw a sideways glance at Grimmjow's brooding face.

"What, fighting with your boyfriend again? That's sad."

"What fucking boyfriend?" Grimmjow snapped, "The fuck are you talking about?" Shiro laughed again, throwing his head back. Grimmjow's furious expression was too much for him.

"Oh please, don't be shy Grimmy. Everybody knows" he said in a hushed tone, winking at Grimmjow. Shiro had to jump back to his feet as Grimmjow tried to grab him by the collar, dancing away from his reach.

"Oh man, it was worth coming back here just to see that look on your face" he laughed as Grimmjow scrambled back up, his shoulders heaving from his heavy breathing, "it's fucking hilarious."

"Get the fuck out of here, you bastard freak!" Grimmjow snarled, grabbing the nearest thing he found and threw it at Shiro. The young man ducked it easily and laughter kept bubbling in his chest.

"See you around, Grimmy!" Shiro bid him before finally leaving, Grimmjow could hear his cackling long after that.

"Shithead" Grimmjow groaned and kicked the ground in frustration. He heard the door creak open and turned around to see Nel standing in the doorway.

"Who was that?" she asked, head tilted to the side.

"No one" Grimmjow was quick to say, "go inside, it's cold out here."

"I wanna go see Ichi" Nel complained as Grimmjow tried to push her back inside. He pressed his forehead against the thin wood and closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from lashing out at the little girl.

"Grimmy, please" Nel said, tugging at leg of his jeans. Grimmjow said nothing, pushing Neliel to the side as he rushed into his room upstairs.

"Grimmy!" Neliel screamed after him but only got the slam of the door as an answer. Neliel kicked the ground just like her brother had moments before and then noticed something lying in the grass. She walked over to it and picked it up. It was one of her old toys, a pink pony with all of its mane gone. She sat down on the grass and fondled the discarded toy, feeling strange sympathy towards it. It took about ten minutes before she heard the door being opened and then Grimmjow's footsteps as he walked over to her. Her brother crouched down, peering over her shoulder.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice still straining from his outburst.

"A pony." Grimmjow stared at the dirty toy and almost wanted to snatch it away from Nel, there was no telling where it had been, but figured her day had been boring enough already.

"You hungry?" Neliel shrugged, though Grimmjow was sure the girl was starving.

"Want some..." Grimmjow paused as he tried to think what they even had, if anything, "pancakes?" Suddenly Nel turned around to face Grimmjow with a huge smile on her face.

"Yay, pancakes!" She leaped to Grimmjow's neck, squeezing him tightly, "Best brother ever!" Grimmjow rolled his eyes but grabbed Nel as he rose back to his feet and carried her back inside. Once inside he locked the door and once again thought he should buy a security chain for it. _And for the back door too, _he added as he followed Neliel into the kitchen, the girl was already singing a made-up song about pancakes. As he made food for his little sister, Grimmjow tried to ignore the doubt nagging at the back of his head, he hadn't seen Shiro in few months but figured if he was back in town, something would happen. The guy was like a bad omen, always bringing trouble with him. And this time Grimmjow didn't want any part of it.


	4. Chapter 4

_**I think writing angst is more my things nowadays, I just can't have things going well and everyone being happy. No fun in that! So here's another addition to this misery business, hope you like it!**_

* * *

**Chapter 4. _Lately I'm beside myself_**

Ichigo was just finishing up his homework when he heard a strange rapping sound from the front door. Frowning, he stood up from his desk and walked to the front door, staring at the door handle that twitched slightly. Slowly he reached for the handle and then pulled the door swiftly open, revealing crouched down Shiro behind it, holding a make-shift lockpick in his hand.

"Having trouble?" Shiro flashed him his usual grin and straightened himself up, dusting his coat.

"Not anymore" he answered and pushed past Ichigo inside the apartment, "man, this is smaller than I remembered."

"And about to get much smaller" Ichigo muttered under his breath as he closed the door. Shiro strutted around the small living space, the only other rooms besides that were the tiny kitchen and the bathroom. It was barely enough for one person but having someone like Shiro to share it with made it feel twice as small as it actually was. Shiro jumped on the old couch that could be spread into a makeshift bed and turned on the TV, immediately starting to surf through the ten channels Ichigo had.

"Where were you?" Ichigo asked and regretted it almost immediately, he started to sound like his father already. And he was almost certain Shiro would lie to him anyway about his whereabouts, not that Ichigo really wanted to know.

"Went over to see your boyfriend" Shiro replied as he settled for watching MTV, throwing the remote on the floor.

"My what?" Ichigo blurted, walking to the couch. Shiro's face was unreadable as he stared at the television.

"You know, Grimm, that big guy with the blue hair, has some major issues" Shiro rattled, waving his hand as if Ichigo was asking something that was self-explanatory.

"Grimmjow? He's not..." Ichigo started but then decided to forgo on the explanations, it was just wasting breath, "Why did you go there?"

"To see what's up, catch up" Shiro said and finally tore his eyes of the TV, "why, you jealous?" Ichigo felt his temper flare, even more so when Shiro looked at him with the infrutiating grin on his face.

"You're an idiot" he just said and headed back to his desk, "I've got homework so keep it down."

"Yeah yeah Mom" Shiro jeered and turned back to his program. Ichigo tried to breathe slowly, there was no point in getting angry with Shiro, that was just what he wanted. Losing his temper would just mean Shiro had won, and it wouldn't achieve anything, just waste of time and energy. But keeping his calm was increasingly difficult with someone who acted like a rebellious teenager, but had the wit of a grown man and the audacity of someone who had grown in foster care for his whole life.

"He's not doing that well, is he?" Shiro asked just as Ichigo was trying to figure out his last math problem.

"What?"

"I said, your boyfriend's not doing good" Shiro repeated with an annoyed tone, "you deaf or what?"

"Oh yeah, well" Ichigo didn't know what he could say. Somehow Shiro seemed to always know about Grimmjow than he did, though he had no idea how or why Shiro even cared. Shiro scoffed at his response.

"You don't sound worried or anything."

"Well he doesn't want my help, what can I do?"

"He's an idiot, make him let you help him" Shiro argued, then frowned as he tried to trace his own sentence, "or whatever."

"Why? Why do you care?" Ichigo asked, turning in his chair to look at Shiro. The young man was lounging on the couch, his other leg thrown over the back of the couch and one arm hanging over the side.

"Who says I do?" he asked, "just thought you should."

"Why me?"

"He doesn't have anyone else, does he now?"

"He has that one friend, Ulquiorra I think is his name." Ichigo had no idea how he had ended up having this conversation or why he suddenly felt slightly guilty. He had noticed that Grimmjow might've looked slightly thinner than before but he couldn't say for sure. Judging by the little snippets of knowledge he got from Neliel on her playdates, things had gone from bad to worse since their father had disappeared. Grimmjow was now apparently taking care of the whole household, and his mother's condition was just getting worse. But Grimmjow was a proud idiot like his father, and would rather starve to death than accept help.

"Yeah well whatever" Shiro dismissed with another wave of his hand, "you should do something."

"Yeah right" Ichigo scoffed and turned back to his homework.

"Well, will you?"

"What?"

"Do something about it."

"Well what do you suggest I'd do?"

"You're smart, you figure something out" Shiro said and turned back to the television again, ending the conversation on his part. Ichigo tried to look for some clues as to what Shiro wanted from him but it was useless. _Well that was strange, _Ichigo thought as he returned to his homework once more, but soon found his mind wasn't in it anymore. He still kept staring at the numbers without realizing they were even there and his thoughts ended up in Grimmjow. _But he hates me, he's made that pretty clear, _Ichigo argued to himself, _he wouldn't even accept my help if I forced it on him. And besides, what could I help him with?_

* * *

Ulquiorra was arranging the shelves in the pharmacy when the little bell over the door chimed. Automatically he first thought of the quickest way to get back behind the counter where he kept a baseball bat in case of emergencies and shuffled slightly closer before even turning to look at the new customer.

"Oh, it's you." Grimmjow gave his friend a sneer as he tried to shake off most of the rain water that had drenched him.

"Sorry to invade your precious little shop" he said as he had managed to create a small puddle on the floor, "but Nel's sick or something."

"'Sick or something'" Ulquiorra repeated, "care to be any less spesific?" Grimmjow ruffled his wet hair as he walked over to Ulquiorra, splashing water on his face.

"She's got fever, and cough, and she's not really eating" Grimmjow elaborated, and Ulquiorra could see how actually nervous he was.

"Has she been to the doctor, do you have a prescription for her?"

"No, I haven't got the money or the time, just give me something that will lower her fever" Grimmjow said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Grimmjow, she's six years old, she was born with withdrawals from heroine, you need to take her to the hospital before giving her anything."

"I can't! The health center is closed, I don't have the money to call an ambulance or for the doctor and the time spent in hospital! Just give me something" Grimmjow said, and even though he didn't say it out loud Ulquiorra could hear the 'please' in his tone of voice.

"I can't, you know that." For a second Ulquiorra was sure Grimmjow would just punch him and rob the store but instead the young man seemed to shrink and buried his face into his hands. He inhaled slowly before continuing.

"Mom's freaking out, Nel's trying to tough it out because she knows we don't have anything, and I can't do a fucking thing" Grimmjow said, his voice laced with frustration and anger, "I just...Fuck." Ulquiorra stared into space as he tried to figure something that could help. But instead of being worried about Neliel's condition, Ulquiorra felt disgusted when he realized he would much rather console Grimmjow and think of some amazing way to help Nel so Grimmjow would finally realize how good of a friend he was. _I'm the worst kind there is, _he told himself as he thought of a quick way to help. Then it came to him, though it would work in the exact opposite way he would've wanted.

"Just call Kurosaki" he finally said though the idea filled him with disgust, "he'll help." Grimmjow raised his eyes slowly to Ulquiorra and looked at him like he had suggested mercy killing Neliel instead. Before he could shout abuse at him, Ulquiorra added:

"You know it's the only way, he'll talk his father into helping you without payment or at least give you plenty of time for it. And he's the best pediatrician you could get in this town." Grimmjow's mouth was a tight line and Ulquiorra knew he wanted to retort his words so badly but couldn't.

"Stop being such a prideful asshole and just call him. Right now." Grimmjow's defiance lasted for few seconds more before he pulled out his phone and looked for the right number. Ulquiorra felt his stomach turn as his suspicion that Grimmjow had Kurosaki's number was proven right. _Yeah, like that says anything about anyone, _he tried to tell himself as Grimmjow started pacing around as he waited for Kurosaki to pick up.

"Fuck, why isn't he-" Grimmjow already started when suddenly the line clicked and Ichigo's voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Kurosaki, Nel's sick. Can I..." Grimmjow paused and screwed his eyes shut, the words stuck to his throat. But to his luck he didn't even need to say them out loud to make Ichigo understand.

"Yes of course. Can you bring her, I can call Dad to pick her up..."

"No! No, that's...That's okay, I can bring her, just give me...Half an hour."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fucking sure!" Grimmjow snapped and then bit his tongue, even with his distaste for Kurosaki and everything he stood for he knew he was being an asshole, "I'll be there in a few."

"Okay Grimm, take care." Grimmjow held his tongue and hung up, he felt a strong urge to punch something. Ulquiorra seemed to sense this and slowly edged behind the counter.

"I take it he said 'yes'" he finally said as Grimmjow was just squeezing the phone in his hand and trying to breathe slowly through his nose.

"Shut it Ulquiorra." The young man sighed quietly and tapped his fingers against the counter, this wasn't exactly how things went in the dream scenarios he conjured up at night when he couldn't sleep.

"You should go" he said after a short silence. Grimmjow stormed out without saying another word, almost knocking down an old junkie just coming through the door. Ulquiorra glanced down at the baseball still stuffed under the counter and for some reason for a second wanted to hit himself with it. _Maybe it would hurt less than thi__s, _he thought as he kept his eyes on the junkie wandering around the pharmacy. He suddenly wished the man would try something funny and give him an excuse to hit him.

_God, I'm turning into him, _Ulquiorra thought as the man shuffled to the counter and with a quiet voice asked for needles. Handing the few packets to the man Ulquiorra received back a tired smile and then the man was gone. Ulquiorra realized he should've gone with Grimmjow, he would probably be too busy being angry with Kurosaki to think straight and someone needed to be there to calm little Neliel. _Oh save it, you just want to be there so that they wouldn't be alone, _Ulquiorra's cynical side shot down the thought that he might've actually thought of someone else besides himself. _He'd be better off with him anyway, _he thought and tried not to think of either of them. Failing miserably.

* * *

Ichigo arrived back home just in time to see Grimmjow already standing at the door, carrying a small bundle in his arms.

"Grimmjow!" he called out as he ran up the driveway, "How is she?" Grimmjow didn't have time to answer when the door was opened and Ichigo's father Isshin almost ran into Grimmjow.

"Oh, hello there" he said, "what seems to be the problem?"

"She's got fever, she won't eat" Grimmjow said as Isshin leaned to look at Nel, who was wrapped in a blanket in Grimmjow's arms.

"Yes, she seems quite weak. Hello little one" Isshin said softly as he pressed his hand on Nel's forehead, "bring her inside, would you." Ichigo felt for Grimmjow seeing the stone-faced look on his face, all of his usual cockiness was gone and replaced with barely contained panic.

"How long has she been like this?"

"It started last night, but it has just gotten worse overnight" Grimmjow said as Neliel writhed on his lap, "she's coughing too, she can barely talk."

"Alright, you can bring her in here, I have a free bed." As Grimmjow laid Nel's small body on the bed Isshin gently pushed him back.

"You can go now, I will take care of her" he said calmly, "Ichigo, could you get him something to drink?"

"No, I'm staying" Grimmjow tried to argue but Isshin wouldn't budge.

"Grimmjow, she's acting tough because of you, I need to examine her properly and I can't have you breathing on my neck. Do you understand?" Grimmjow was quiet for once and then slowly backed out of the room.

"Thank you" Isshin said before he shut the door in front of Grimmjow's face.

Ichigo stood awkwardly in the hallway behind Grimmjow.

"She's gonna be okay" he tried as Grimmjow kept staring at the door, "Dad's the best there is."

"Yeah sure" Grimmjow muttered, taking few steps back and then slowly sliding down to sit on the floor. Ichigo shifted in his place, fearing that saying something wrong would trigger a very violent response from Grimmjow.

"Do you want water or..."

"No."

"Okay." A heavy silence fell between them. Ichigo hesitated first but then sat down on the floor, still keeping a safe distance to Grimmjow. Ichigo tapped his hands on his knees, but quickly stopped as he noticed the sideways glare Grimmjow gave him.

"Okay..." Ichigo said again as he pressed his hands against the floor. Grimmjow scoffed lightly, muttering something under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"I said you're the same fidgety kid you were ten years ago" Grimmjow said, "the fuck is it with you?"

"Well you're the same asshole you were ten yeas ago, what's wrong with you?" Ichigo snapped and immediately wanted to take it back. But to his surprise Grimmjow didn't lunge at him, but instead his shoulders jumped up and down, a wide smirk appearing on his face. Ichigo mimicked the expression, mostly because he realized he might not get beaten today after all.

"Touché" Grimmjow agreed and bend his knees draping his arms around them. Ichigo craned his neck back, still smiling.

"Do you remember, back then" he started carefully, glancing at Grimmjow to see whether he was in the mood to listen or not, "when we were kids?"

"I remember a lot of things back then, you gotta be more spesific." Ichigo rolled his eyes but kept on going, Shiro's earlier words stuck to his mind.

"You know, back in, what was it, second grade? Anyway, when we had those little tournaments in the karate class?" Grimmjow frowned as the memory came to him.

"Oh yeah" he said slowly, then grinned again, "I kicked your ass back then already."

"No you didn't!" Ichigo retorted, "You won the first round, but I won the second, so it was a tie."

"Bullshit."

"Bet I could kick your ass now" Ichigo said, and only then realized how incredibly stupid it was to say such things to Grimmjow, especially when he was like this. He would probably welcome the chance to beat out his frustrations into someone else's face.

"Yeah right" Grimmjow scoffed, but showed no signs of actually attacking Ichigo to prove his point, "in your dreams, Kurosaki." Ichigo decided not to pursue the idea any further, getting into a fist fight with Grimmjow wasn't the brightest idea he'd ever had.

Another silence ensued but this time it didn't feel half as awkward as before.

"I thought you still lived here." Ichigo snapped out of his thoughts as he realized Grimmjow was talking to him.

"Oh, yeah no" he uttered, scratching his neck, "I got my own place when I went to college." Grimmjow nodded, staring at the still closed door.

"By yourself?"

"Yeah...Well, kinda." Grimmjow's brow twitched, he didn't appreciate vague answers.

"You do or you don't, it isn't a difficult concept to handle."

"I meant that I normally live alone, but I have someone staying over." _For God knows how long_.

"Who?" Ichigo erred whether he should answer or not. He had no idea what kind of a relationship Shiro and Grimmjow had, or if Shiro had even told him the truth in the first place of going to see him.

"A friend, you probably don't know him."

"Is it that albino bastard?" _Or maybe he does. _

"Oh so you do know Shiro, that's great" Ichigo said with a crooked smile, "yeah, that's him."

"He's staying with you? Why?"

"He doesn't have any other place to go, I can't turn him away."

"Why not?" Ichigo frowned and turned his head to Grimmjow, it was strange that someone who went to such lengths to take care of his little sister didn't understand the concept of helping someone in trouble.

"He's got no one else" he repeated, "where would he go? It's not like he's the easiest guy to get along with anyway."

"You got that right" Grimmjow said, "he came to my house, trying to start shit up."

"Oh" Ichigo uttered, so Shiro had been telling the truth, "I didn't know you were..." Ichigo paused to look for the right word, judging by Grimmjow's words they weren't actually 'friends', "acquainted."

"We're not, or at least I'm not" Grimmjow said, "I don't know what his deal is, he just shows up out of nowhere and starts spilling shit out of his mouth."

"I'm...I'm sorry" Ichigo tried, but Grimmjow just scoffed.

"You're not him, why you're apologizing? It's not your job to sort out his mess."

"Guess so" Ichigo said, "I just thought..." Suddenly a thought came to him. _Oh shit, Shiro, I will kill you if you said anything like that to him, I swear..._

"What did he say to you then?" he tried to sound casual and disinterested. Grimmjow shrugged his shoulders, running his hand through his wet hair. Ichigo just realized he must've ran all the way from his house, in the rain.

"Just some shit, he gets on my tits, that guy. Spewing shit about you and me, fucking idiot" he said, then his hand stopped midair as he turned to Ichigo, a sudden suspicion in his eyes.

"He's not right, is he?"

"Right about what?" Ichigo felt this conversation was suddenly going to a very wrong direction._ Maybe I will get my ass kicked tonight anyway, _he thought and braced for whatever Grimmjow would throw his way, including himself.

"He kept calling you my 'boyfriend'" Grimmjow spat out, as if the word tasted foul in his mouth, "saying everybody knows. Then I threw him out." _For God's sake Shiro, what is wrong with you?! _Ichigo panicked as he tried to keep his face in check.

"Huh, that's a new one" he said, trying to stop his fingers from fiddling with the hem of his shirt, "I knew he was weird but that's..."

"Fucking weirdo" Grimmjow concurred, "I don't know where he gets it, he's sick in the head."

"Yeah" Ichigo agreed quietly, staring down at his feet. Grimmjow scowled at him again, sensing something weird about his sudden quietness.

"Kurosaki" he started, "that bastard _is_ lying, isn't he?" Before Ichigo had a chance to say anything, the door was opened and Isshin poked his head out. Even he seemed to sense the tension as he invited Grimmjow to come inside and look at his sister.

"She's asleep, but there is no danger, she is stable" he explained as Grimmjow jumped to his feet and rushed to the room. Ichigo slowly got up too but stayed behind, not wanting to disturb the two.

"It's just little fever, nothing more" Isshin continued, "she needs to rest for a few days and drink plenty of fluids, she should be just fine." Grimmjow was kneeling down next to Nel's bed, cautious to touch her.

"Thank you" he muttered just loudly enough for Isshin to hear.

"Don't mention it" Isshin said as he closed the door. He turned to his son, who suddenly looked out of place in his own home.

"Everything alright, Ichigo?"

"Yeah, yeah, just...Bit weird that's all" Ichigo said, "I haven't really talked with him in a long time, not since...Well, you know." Isshin nodded and put his hands into the pockets of his white coat.

"I'll go check on your sisters, you can stay here if you want to."

"No, I think I'll... I'll just get back, I left Shiro alone in there." Isshin raised an eyebrow at Ichigo.

"He's back again? What has he done this time?" Ichigo spread out his hands, shaking his head.

"I'm not sure I even want to know. I'll just try to keep him out of trouble."

"Good luck with that" Isshin chuckled, "but give him my best, you should come for dinner some day."

"I'll tell him that" Ichigo said, managing a smile thinking of the last time they had Shiro over for dinner. It had been quite a scene.

"How are things, besides Shiro and this" Isshin said, gesturing to the closed door, "you're doing okay?"

"Yeah, everything's just...fine."

"That doesn't sound convincing, Ichigo."

"I know" Ichigo sighed, his shoulders sagging down, "I...I don't know. It's bit of a mess." Isshin closed the distance between him and his son, placing his hand on Ichigo's shoulder in a warm gesture.

"It'll get better, I promise." Ichigo said nothing, just trying to keep his composure.

"You sure you don't want to stay?"

"Yeah, it's better that I don't. Shiro can't be left on his own for long anyway." Isshin knew there was another reason Ichigo wanted to leave but decided not to pursue him for an answer. There would be time for that conversation later on.

"Alright then, I'll let you know if anything happens."

"Okay" Ichigo said and then looked at his father, almost feeling awkward seeing the warmth and worry in his eyes, "say hi to the girls from me."

Ichigo walked out, stepping back into the cold rain. He had left in such a hurry he hadn't even brought his coat and braced himself against the rain, trying to walk fast. The weather mirrored his emotions better than he would've wanted, but at least it gave him a good excuse to be miserable. He knew Shiro would try to interrogate him once he got back, but didn't really care. Even he had his limits, and right now he'd rather jump out the window than answer his cousin's invasive questions. Pulling his shoulders almost up to his ears Ichigo stomped down the streets, trusting his feet to take him home.

* * *

_Things are slowly shaping up, little exposition on what will happen in the future chapters. It's all very melancholic and shit, just as I like it. Hope you do too._


	5. Chapter 5

_**This chapter started out quite differently, and I wasn't happy with it at all. But I think it ended up being alright, and the story is actually going somewhere. Kinda. Hope you like it!**_

* * *

**Chapter 5. **_** Every time I start to believe**_

Ulquiorra had just settled down in the lecture hall, with all his notes and pencils on his tiny desk that was attached to the hand rest of his seat, when someone pushed the small desk over, spilling everything on the floor and on the steps. Ulquiorra didn't even have to look up to know who was to blame, that grating cackle told him everything he needed. Without a flinch, he leaned down to pick up his things. The laughter rose again as he grabbed his notebook from the feet of the culprit, for a second waiting to be kicked in the face.

"You're such a sad case, aren't you Schiffer? Can't even stand up for yourself, you little shit." Ulquiorra said nothing, he was looking at the pen that had flown further away and would require him to push past the person's legs to reach it. But he was nudged back, a knee pushing sharply against his shoulder so he almost fell backwards among the rows of seats. No one said anything, some people were staring but most students ignored the situation, not wanting to get involved. Not that Ulquiorra wanted anyone's help. He finally looked at the face of his tormentor, his wide mouth was stretched into a vicious smirk, black hair shadowing his eyes. Nnoitra, one of the community college's worst cases had been bullying Ulquiorra ever since grade school and his methods hadn't really changed. Behind him stood few of his accomplices, silent idiots who did everything he told them to. They had hung around Nnoitra for so long they probably didn't know what else to do.

"Sitting alone again, what a fucking pity. Take the hint Schiffer, nobody likes you. Should just stay home and end it" Nnoitra said, and sounded like he meant every word. Ulquiorra turned away, deciding to leave rest of his things where they were, it wasn't worth it. But Nnoitra didn't appreciate his lack of reaction and was getting impatient.

"You little shit" he snarled again and reached to grab Ulquiorra when someone pushed past him on the stairs and almost knocked him down. Nnoitra looked furious as he regained his balance, his little helpers watching quietly.

"What the hell Kurosaki?" Nnoitra spat at Ichigo. Ulquiorra cursed his luck, of course it had to be just him.

"Get lost Nnoitra" Ichigo said, glancing at Ulquiorra who was now frozen on his spot.

"Fuck off" Nnoitra hissed and tried to push Ichigo back, but then the lecturer entered the hall and took his place in the front. Ichigo smirked at Nnoitra and nodded towards the exit.

"Scram" he said, glancing at his friends, "you too." Nnoitra glared at Ichigo for few seconds before storming out, and Ulquiorra knew there would be trouble later. He thought that was the end of it, but then Ichigo bent down and grabbed Ulquiorra's things still spread across the stairs and gave them to him. Ulquiorra stared at his pencils and notes lamely before taking them.

"Can I sit here?" Ichigo asked, ignoring Ulquiorra's lack of thanks. Ulquiorra shrugged, but did move his coat from the seat next to him. Ichigo sat down, leaning closer to Ulquiorra.

"He's an asshole" he said quietly as the lecturer started the class. Ulquiorra knew Ichigo meant Nnoitra and agreed, though he kept quiet and tried to ignore him.

Ichigo glanced at Ulquiorra, he knew the quiet young man didn't really like him, and would most likely ignore him for the whole lecture but he still had to try. His attempts at talking straight to Grimmjow hadn't really gone as planned and for some reason Shiro kept harassing him about doing something. But Ichigo had to admit, he wanted to help Grimmjow and Nel, someone had to.

"Hey, um…" Ichigo erred for a second, "can I ask you something?"

"Mmm" Ulquiorra hummed as he wrote down on his notes. Ichigo took that as a yes.

"You're friends with Grimmjow, right?" Another hum, but this time slightly more aggressive, if hums could be like that. Ichigo decided to press on anyway, hoping Ulquiorra would be too smart to start a fight in the middle of a lecture.

"So, you wouldn't know anything about…What's going on with him?"

"You have to be more specific" Ulquiorra said in a low tone, not stopping his writing or looking at Ichigo.

"Why he hates me?" Ulquiorra's hand twitched and his 's' turned into a elongated scribble. He quickly continued, hoping Ichigo hadn't noticed.

"You'd have to ask him" he murmured, trying to ignore the burning anger in his stomach. He had heard the rumors, but ignored them, figuring someone like Nnoitra had started the whole thing because he hated everyone, especially Ichigo, because he was everything Nnoitra wasn't. Ichigo was popular, he had friends, nice family, he was smart, he was kind, and still not arrogant. Someone like that was a perfect target for Nnoitra's bitterness, he couldn't try to face him head on so he stuck to spreading rumors and filth. Ichigo was bound to have heard the same things, but apparently it didn't bother him, otherwise he had done something about it by now. _Stupid trash, these idiots. _

Ichigo balled his hand into a fist and relaxed it again.

"He wasn't always like this." Ulquiorra said nothing, waiting for Ichigo to say something that would clarify whether Nnoitra had actually hit the nail on the head with his attempt at staining Ichigo's image or was he just so indifferent he didn't care. Not that people believed someone like Nnoitra, but the thought stuck to their heads and made them think that maybe…

"He came over few days ago with Nel, and for a moment I thought…" Ichigo's sentence trailed off and Ulquiorra didn't push him. It seemed that Ichigo was lost in his own thoughts, he leaned back on his seat, pressing his chin into his palm. He stayed quiet for the rest of the lecture and Ulquiorra tried to concentrate, but his thoughts escaped him. He wasn't sure why Ichigo was suddenly talking to him about Grimmjow, maybe something had happened when Grimmjow had taken Neliel to see Ichigo's father. Ulquiorra hadn't seen Grimmjow after he had burst into the pharmacy and hated to admit it, but he had played several scenarios over in his head on what had happened after that. Part of him wanted to ask Ichigo, knowing the well-meaning idiot would spill the truth out in a second, but then again maybe he didn't want to hear. Sometimes ignorance was bliss.

The lecture ended and Ichigo got up to leave, giving Ulquiorra a courteous nod as he was leaving. Ulquiorra almost chewed on the insides of his cheeks as he weighed his words.

"Kurosaki" he said just as Ichigo turned his back on him, "he doesn't hate you." Ichigo batted his eyes, making Ulquiorra resent him even more.

"How do you know that?" Ichigo asked, pulling on the strap of his back bag. Ulquiorra shrugged as he arranged his things into his satchel.

"At least not because of what you think" he said, throwing the satchel over his shoulder. Ichigo said nothing and Ulquiorra could feel the tension from him. _  
_

"But…He knows?" Ichigo asked, shifting his weight from one foot to another. _So it is true, fancy that. _Ulquiorra shrugged again.

"You'd have to ask him."

Ichigo watched Ulquiorra walk out from the lecture hall, wanting to shout after him and have him explain what he meant. Just as Ichigo finally gathered himself and ran out, he bumped straight into someone.

"Oi, what the hell!" Ichigo cringed and staggered back, cursing his rotten luck. Grimmjow was shaking his head at him, scowling as he always did.

"Watch it, Kurosaki" he said, Ulquiorra standing next to him.

"Ah, sorry, I didn't- Sorry." Grimmjow rolled his eyes and pushed past Ichigo, nudging him on the shoulder. Ulquiorra followed, not sparing a look at Ichigo.

"Idiot" Ichigo heard Grimmjow mutter and wanted to kick himself. _Could you be a bigger idiot right now? You don't even have to try. _Ichigo groaned as he walked in the opposite direction, his head hanging low from embarrassment. But it didn't take long before someone called his name.

"Ichigo!" He looked up to see Orihime standing at the end of the hallway, waving at him and smiling as usual. Normally Ichigo would've welcomed her cheery attitude but now he knew he'd be rotten company for anyone. So he just waved back and then gestured to his watch, shaking his head. Orihime's mouth turned into an o-shape but she nodded back, waving goodbye. Ichigo quickly turned and started walking towards the main exit, he had to get out. Just as he came close the doors he spotted Grimmjow's blue hair in the crowd and almost ducked out of sight, making himself feel even more like an idiot. _For God's sake, stop acting like some teenager! _Ichigo tried to pull himself together and headed out, now trying to ignore everyone around him.

* * *

Grimmjow stepped out, breathing in the fresh air. Ulquiorra pulled his coat tighter around his thin body, glancing at his friend's bare arms.

"Where's your coat?" Grimmjow didn't answer, instead he lighted up a cigarette and watched the bluish smoke trail up in the air.

"If you quit smoking you'd have money for a coat."

"Eat shit."

"How eloquent" Ulquiorra sighed and folded his arms on his chest. His eyes spotted tuft of orange hair at the edge of the crowd exiting the college, and felt his stomach twisting again.

"Kurosaki asked about you" he said to Grimmjow, whose head turned around so he blew smoke right in Ulquiorra's face.

"He what? Why?"

"Nnoitra was troubling me and Kurosaki told him to get lost. Then he sat next to me and started asking about you" Ulquiorra said, immediately regretting that he had included the Nnoitra bit into his story. Grimmjow grinned at the image of someone standing up to Nnoitra, even he hated his guts and would gladly jump on the chance of giving him something back.

"Since when did he grow a pair?" he said and inhaled on his cigarette, "So what did he ask?" Ulquiorra shrugged once more, it was becoming his main way of communicating.

"Why you hate him, basically." Grimmjow scoffed, throwing his head back and tugging on his hair.

"Bit obvious, isn't it?"

"Not really." Grimmjow frowned and let the cigarette hang idly between his fingers.

"What you mean?" Ulquiorra tilted his head, it was possible Grimmjow hadn't heard the rumors, he was an outcast after all.

"Some people have been saying he might be homosexual. Maybe that's why." Grimmjow's face contorted into a surprised scowl and his cigarette almost dropped to the ground.

"He's gay? I thought he was banging that ginger chick" Grimmjow's head spun around as he tried to spot Ichigo from the crowd, but he was long gone, "but how's that…" Grimmjow turned back to Ulquiorra, still wearing that confused frown.

"What does that have anything to do with me?"

"You used to be friends."

"That's being generous about it."

"Anyway, he thinks you resent him now because you've heard he might be gay" Ulquiorra spelled out, but judging from Grimmjow's expression it wasn't working.

"I don't get why that should bother me, I'm not a fucking fascist" he argued, " I hate him because he's fucking annoying, not because he likes cock. If he even does." Grimmjow grimaced and shook his head.

"I don't wanna talk about Kurosaki's junk, or anyone else's."

"You and me both" Ulquiorra said, feeling relieved, though for all the wrong reasons. He felt pitiful, somehow he managed to make everything about himself. _You're pathetic. You should just stop this before you embarrass yourself even more. _But Ulquiorra didn't listen to his own advice.

"How's Neliel?" Grimmjow shrugged, remembering his cigarette again and blew out few smoke rings.

"She seems alright, I need to go back and take her home tonight."

"What was wrong with her?"

"Just normal low fever, she should be fine."

"Good, that's good" Ulquiorra mumbled, his head bopping up and down. Grimmjow gave him a weird look, Ulquiorra wasn't usually this involved in anything. It felt like everyone around him had suddenly started taking crazy pills. Ulquiorra was suddenly all buddy-buddy with him, Ichigo tried to be like that, being all nostalgic and weird, and then that albino bastard kept popping up everywhere. Even Nel acted stranger than usual, though Grimmjow figured he could point that to her age. Or her general circumstances.

"Anyway, I'm outta here" he said to Ulquiorra, stomping out his cigarette, "I'll see you around."

"Any plans for the weekend?" Ulquiorra asked before he could stop himself. Grimmjow raised him an eyebrow.

"The usual, looking after Nel and making sure none of those fucking idiots Mom brings home gets in or steals anything."

"Sounds like fun."

"You have no idea." Grimmjow turned and walked away, leaving Ulquiorra stand alone in the courtyard. He noticed Nnoitra standing with his minions on the other side of the yard and decided to leave before being noticed. He disliked having to run away, but figured being beaten up wasn't worth it.

* * *

Shiro stirred on the couch as the front door was opened, poking his head up to see who was coming in. Ichigo dropped his bag to the floor and shrug off his coat, sighing heavily as he did.

"You look like shit" Shiro pointed out as Ichigo dragged himself to the kitchen. There was no answer besides the sound of the fridge door opening and then being slammed shut. Ichigo walked back to the living room and gave Shiro a harsh look.

"You've eaten everything" he said, it was more of a statement than a question. Shiro shrugged.

"I was hungry."

"It didn't occur to you to go out and buy some food?" Ichigo sounded irritated, and he looked like it too. Shiro could sense a storm coming on.

"No, not really" he replied with another shrug. Ichigo lowered his head, his hands balling into fists. Shiro smirked as he waited for the explosion. But instead, Ichigo's shoulders fell and he walked back to the door, exiting the apartment in silence. Shiro stared after him for few seconds before lopping back to the couch.

"He took it well" he said to himself, turning on the TV.

Outside the apartment Ichigo was banging his head against the wall. _This isn't my day, _he thought as he rubbed his forehead, descending the flight of stairs to the street level. He put on his headphones and started to slowly relax as the music poured into his ears. He managed to walk one block without any incidents but then someone rushed from behind a corner and knocked him down. Ichigo didn't even bother getting mad anymore, he had had a feeling something like this would happen to him today.

"Oi, it's you." Ichigo screwed his eyes shut. _This really, really isn't my day. _He already readied himself for another berating when Grimmjow bent down to grab Ichigo's arm and pulled him back up to his feet.

"That's twice today" Grimmjow said as Ichigo tried to steady himself, "this your new thing or something?"

"Eh, no" Ichigo managed to stutter, earning an amused smile.

"Did you hurt your head when you fell? Or are you always this slow?" Ichigo didn't want to say he was acting like an idiot because Grimmjow was actually being civil to him for once.

"No, I just...Shiro's making me lose it" he quickly conjured up, though it wasn't a complete lie. Grimmjow's lips curled into a wider grin.

"That didn't take long. What did he do?"

"He ate all my food" Ichigo said, realizing how petty that sounded when thinking what he had told Grimmjow the day before about Shiro's tough circumstances.

"Tough" Grimmjow said, "guess you've never went hungry for few days." Ichigo flinched, of course it was stupid to complain about this to Grimmjow.

"Sorry" he mumbled, "I didn't mean to..."

"Tsk" Grimmjow scoffed, ruffling his hair as he looked away from Ichigo's miserable eyes, "don't look like that, it makes me sick. Like a lost puppy." Ichigo uttered a laugh, not only to follow Grimmjow's words but also because he sounded like he was actually feeling sorry.

"You're going to get Nel?" he asked, deciding to change the topic to a possibly more safe area.

"Yeah, your Dad told me she should be alright by now." Grimmjow raised his eyebrows at Ichigo.

"You wanna come with?" As Ichigo didn't answer right away Grimmjow had time to start feeling awkward and tried to think of a explanation for his sudden friendliness. He didn't know himself why he wasn't giving Ichigo the usual treatment, something in Ulquiorra's words before had stuck with him and made him almost feel sympathy for Ichigo.

"It's your house, for fuck's sake, why do I even ask you..."

"No, it's okay, I'll come" Ichigo hurried to say, fighting against the smile, "whatever keeps me away from Shiro." Grimmjow smirked as he pulled out his cigarettes and lighted up, then with short hesitation offered them to Ichigo. He frowned and was about to say no, his father's warnings about the health issues ringing in his head but he gave in, pulling out one cigarette. He held it between his fingers as if not knowing what to do with it and Grimmjow rolled his eyes, gesturing for Ichigo to put the cigarette into his mouth.

"You're such a baby" he muttered with the cigarette hanging between his own lips as he reached to light Ichigo's, cupping his hands around it. His fingers almost touched Ichigo's face and Ichigo tried hard not to blush like the idiot he felt he was.

Grimmjow kept his eyes on Ichigo as he tried to inhale the bitter smoke for the first time, his eyes watering and his throat iching.

"Just relax, it's not gonna kill you." Ichigo hacked as he tried to ease the itching in his throat. Grimmjow chuckled as he inhaled smoke from his own cigarette, making smoke rings again just to show off. Finally Ichigo could breathe easy again, glaring at the cigarette in his hand.

"How can you smoke these every day?"

"You get used to it" Grimmjow said and started to walk towards Ichigo's old home. Ichigo fell into step with him, still trying to get the hang of smoking. Grimmjow kept laughing at him but also patted him on the back when it sounded he was about to choke.

"My Dad's gonna kill me, just so you know" Ichigo said as they neared the house.

"Just tell him you stood next to me" Grimmjow shrugged, "the smell sticks pretty easily."

"Guess so" Ichigo said, then stayed quiet for a minute. Grimmjow could sense there was something he wanted to say.

"If you're wondering why I'm not being the usual asshole to you, then don't bother asking. Fuck, even I don't know."

"You sure you didn't catch something from Nel?" Ichigo smirked.

"I wish, then it would probably go away" Grimmjow said, "I dunno, maybe I just wanna talk with someone." Ichigo almost stumbled on his own feet, since when had Grimmjow admitted he needed someone else?

"Besides, you're the only person you really knows what's going on. Kinda. So I don't have to waste time with idiots trying to pity me and all that bullshit" Grimmjow continued, "and I owe you and your father one. For taking care of Nel."

"You don't-" Ichigo tried but stopped when Grimmjow glared at him, "alright, alright, whatever you say."

"No charity" Grimmjow said, "or I'll send Nnoitra after you." Ichigo chortled, the mental image was somehow funny to him.

"So you heard about that" he said, rubbing his neck, "yeah, I don't get what's his deal with Ulquiorra. He doesn't even do anything."

"That's why Nnoitra can't stand him, he doesn't care so Nnoitra has to try and find his limits, what makes him tick. Personally I'd pay to see Ulquiorra go batshit crazy but I don't think that's gonna happen" Grimmjow said.

"Well, he's an asshole anyway. Someone should teach him a lesson." Grimmjow laughed out loud, throwing his head back.

"You sound like some mafia guy from the twenties" he said laughingly to Ichigo, who smiled widely.

"Maybe I could make him an offer he can't refuse" he continued, taking on a slightly Italian accent and gestured petting a cat on his arms. Grimmjow's laughter lasted until they were already at Ichigo's old house. Isshin met them at the door and gave Ichigo a curious look as Grimmjow greeted him with a smile.

"Have you given him something?" Isshin asked Ichigo as Grimmjow went to get Neliel who was playing with Yuzu in the living room. Ichigo shrugged, trying to hide his smile.

"Well, he seems better than last time. Maybe things are looking up for them, finally" Isshin said as he heard Nel's laugh seeing her brother. Then the phone rang and Isshin went to answer it, Ichigo walked to the living room to see Grimmjow ruffling Nel's hair. Yuzu was laughing, Karin watched from the couch but there was a noticeable smile on her face as well.

"Itsygo!" Nel shouted as she saw Ichigo standing at the door. She sprang towards him, hugging his knees. Grimmjow grinned as Ichigo bent down to pick Nel on his arms, spinning her around few times.

"Ichigo! Can you come over here!" Ichigo frowned at the sound of his father's voice, and could see the others had noticed it too. He lowered Nel back to her feet and walked out, finding his father in the hallway looking serious.

"Dad, what is it?" he asked in a low tone. Isshin glanced towards the living room before speaking.

"I just got a call from the hospital, Grimmjow's mother has been taken in today for an overdose. She is stable now, but it's very serious. They called me to ask for her files, I'm going there now. I just thought..." Isshin stopped as he noticed Grimmjow standing behind Ichigo, the smile had left his face.

"Is it mom?" he asked them. Ichigo turned around and the look on his face already told Grimmjow everything he needed to know. His eyes steeled and his mouth tightened to the grim line it usually was.

"I'm coming with you" he said, "can Nel stay here?"

"Yes of course" Isshin said, "but I don't think you should-"

"I wasn't asking" Grimmjow interrupted, "I'm coming with you, she's my mom." Ichigo noticed Grimmjow didn't sound concerned, just angry.

"Grimm" he tried as his father walked outside, Grimmjow following him, "I-" Grimmjow gave him another harsh glare and Ichigo swallowed his condolences.

"I'll come too" he said instead and tried to look as tough as Grimmjow did so he wouldn't argue with him. To his surprise Grimmjow said nothing, just nodded shortly and walked out. Ichigo followed him , throwing last look at Neliel who was standing in the hallway with Yuzu.

"We'll be right back, don't worry" he said with a small smile but it didn't seem to convince the young girl. Ichigo closed the door and felt rotten. _Still not my day. Or anyone else's apparently. _


	6. Chapter 6

_**Phiuf, finally got this ready. Too much to do and nothing to say, my brain is on vacation as well it seems. I've just been writing bits and pieces of stories that I haven't even started yet! Well, maybe they'll come in handy one day. But for now, on with this story!**_

* * *

**Chapter 6. _ It's not just any night_**

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Ichigo didn't even dare to say anything, Grimmjow's rotten mood was almost tangible. Isshin concentrated on driving safely but fast, he probably didn't want to spend any more time near Grimmjow when he was like this than was necessary. Ichigo stared out the car window, trying to somehow imagine what Grimmjow was feeling. He had lost his own mother when he had been just a child, and it still made his chest ache. Having to watch his own mother waste her life like this must've been hell for Grimmjow. Then again he would never admit it, burying his hurt under the anger and bitterness.

Ichigo shifted on his seat, the rain was getting heavier, as if mirroring their general mood. Ichigo felt uneasy when even his normally goofy father was quiet and serious, he would've thought Isshin would've at least tried to offer some words of consolation. But his father was keeping his eyes on the road, not showing any signs of even wanting to say something. _Maybe it's for the best, Grimm isn't one for pep talks anyway, _Ichigo thought and tried to stop himself from looking at Grimmjow who sat in the passenger's seat. He was certain Grimmjow would know he was staring and annoying him at this moment wasn't a good idea.

Ichigo almost dreaded how Grimmjow would react once they got to the hospital, he'd personally witnessed some of Grimmjow's rage unleashed on some poor souls who'd made the mistake of angering him. Or more accurately bullying him, Ichigo had never understood why someone would so stupid as to bully Grimmjow. _Guess some people don't really think someone would actually stand up to them, _he thought as he remembered when some jocks in college had tried to intimidate Grimmjow by driving him to a corner and tried to grab him. Grimmjow had almost been kicked out for that episode, when you sent three people into the nurse's office with nearly broken bones it doesn't matter if they hit you first.

After that Grimmjow had significantly calmed down, but it had taught people not to mess with him, at least physically. Lately Ichigo had quietly had words with some people who persisted on hounding Grimmjow, and they had finally taken the hint. Sometimes having the reputation of a former delinquent and a self-defense prodigy came in handy. Ichigo smiled faintly at his reflection in the window thinking how Grimmjow now was actually very similar to how he used to be just few years ago in his teens. Then again their circumstances were different, Ichigo had in some respects grown out of his rebellious stage but for Grimmjow it wasn't about that. Well, mostly not.

They arrived at the hospital and Isshin drove straight in front of the main doors, Grimmjow jumped out before the car even stopped. Ichigo went after him, thinking more of the safety of the hospital staff than anything else.

"I'll park the car, wait for me inside!" Isshin shouted after them, but Grimmjow wasn't listening. He burst through the large swinging doors with Ichigo following right behind and lunged straight at the counter, scaring a young nurse on duty.

"Oh, um, can I help you, sir?" she uttered as Grimmjow glared at her over the counter.

"A woman named Jaegerjaquez was brought here, where is she?" Ichigo caught up with Grimmjow and tried to smile to the nurse in a reassuring manner.

"I'm sorry, he's her son, we're very concerned" he said calmly as Grimmjow seethed beside him.

"We-there was one women admitted just about an hour ago" the nurse mumbled nervously as she tried to use the computer. Grimmjow didn't appreciate the waiting and was about to rush into the nearest corridor and search for himself but Ichigo grabbed his arm.

"Grimmjow, they'll throw you out if you make a scene. Let's wait for my dad, he'll know what to do." Grimmjow wrenched his arm free but stayed put.

"Are you both related to Mrs. Jegaer-" the nurse stopped to read the name of the screen again, "Jaegerjack?"

"It's Jaegerjaquez, and no" Grimmjow was quick to correct the nurse, just as Isshin finally made his way inside the hospital.

"Ah yes, good evening, I'm dr. Isshin Kurosaki, I was called about a patient..." he started explaining to the nurse and Ichigo quietly sneaked to the side. To his surprise Grimmjow followed him, brooding quietly with his hands tucked deep into his pockets.

"How are you holding up?" Ichigo asked him, already waiting for a biting remark for an answer. Grimmjow stayed quiet, staring ahead at the wall behind Ichigo's shoulder.

"Um..." Ichigo had no idea what to say. Then again, Grimmjow probably didn't want him to say anything at the moment. Luckily Isshin came back to them, Ichigo didn't like the look on his face.

"Alright, your mother is currently being operated on, she's in critical condition but stable. You should be able to see her in a few hours."

"Did they say what she had taken?" Grimmjow asked. Isshin frowned, this wasn't the question he had been expecting.

"Apparently heroin, injected straight to her blood stream" he said slowly, eyeing Grimmjow carefully, "may I ask why..." Isshin was cut off as Grimmjow struck his fist against the nearest wall, scraping off the paint. Ichigo was sure the wall was dented when Grimmjow drew his hand away.

"That cocksucker" Grimmjow almost growled, if he had looked dangerously angry before now he was near the breaking point. Isshin looked surprisingly calm, Ichigo had backed off a few steps so he wouldn't be Grimmjow's next target. Isshin leaned closer to Grimmjow and said something to him in a low tone so Ichigo couldn't hear. After that Isshin gestured at Ichigo and they gave Grimmjow some space.

"I'll stay here with him, maybe you should go home and watch the girls" Isshin said, "I don't think Grimmjow wants anyone to be here to witness this." Ichigo wanted to argue, say that he was here for Grimmjow's support if he needed a friend but a look at the dent in the wall convinced him to stay quiet. Grimmjow had been somewhat civil to him twice now, and mostly only because he needed his father's help. There was no point in trying to push him further than that, especially now.

"Alright, I'll go" Ichigo said, "tell him he can call me if he needs anything." Isshin smiled and patted Ichigo on the shoulder.

"Will do. Make sure the girls go to bed on time, Neliel can naturally stay as long as it takes."

"Okay, sure" Ichigo said and stole a glance at Grimmjow who was standing quietly further away.

"Should I..." Ichigo started to ask his father, but Isshin just shrugged. Ichigo braced himself and edged closer to Grimmjow.

"Hey, Grimm...I'm heading back to look after the girls. Dad's staying with you, so you're in good hands." Grimmjow said nothing and Ichigo could feel he or his comforting words were not wanted.

"Okay, take care then" he said clumsily before walking out.

Once outside Ichigo exhaled heavily, trying to shake off the feeling that he had failed. _I should be better than this. _Ichigo patted his pockets for a bus fare and walked to the nearest stop, pulling his shoulders up against the cold and the rain. He looked up at the night sky, he could hardly see any stars from behind the clouds. Once he got to the bus stop he was already drenched and shivered from the cold. Suddenly Ichigo wondered what Shiro was doing, he had left him alone again, not even saying where he went. _Nah, he'll be fine. He always is._

* * *

Ulquiorra locked the pharmacy doors after him and slid the keys into his pocket. He always slightly dreaded his walk home, his route took him through some of the worst areas in town. Almost every day he passed by drunks and dangerously high addicts who'd jump at the chance to cut him if they suspected he'd have anything worth stealing on him. Some of them were regular customers at the pharmacy and knew him, and tried to ask him for free drugs. Ulquiorra was used to deal with them by now and usually got home safely, but sometimes he saw something that made even his stomach twist or run the rest of the way home. But at least tonight it was pouring rain, so maybe that would keep most of the troublemakers inside. Ulquiorra snapped open his umbrella and started his walk home.

He was just walking along one of the darkest streets when he heard commotion from the dead end. Ulquiorra almost went straight past but something made him stop. He listened closely to the voices arguing in the shadows.

"You really think you could fool us? You're a bigger idiot than I thought."

"Let's not be hasty, gentlemen" another voice said, "or you won't live to regret it." A sharp laughter rang from the walls of the alley, and Ulquiorra realized he really should leave before it was too late. But there was some strange feeling that had nagged him all day ever since Kurosaki, of all people, had stepped in to save him from Nnoitra. Ulquiorra normally regarded people like him as brainless meatheads, but after seeing the look in Grimmjow's eyes when he had heard of Kurosaki's actions, Ulquiorra had felt troubled. Like standing up to some asshole like Nnoitra was hugely brave and respectable. Ulquiorra faced more danger every day in his normal life than Kurosaki had ever even heard of. So if it was something like that which impressed Grimmjow, then Ulquiorra wanted him to know it was nothing special. Kurosaki was nothing special. _You pathetic idiot, how you even manage to twist everything to be about you? You'd really risk your own life just to proof something to him? As if he'd care. _

But Ulquiorra's mind was made up. Stupid or not, he sneaked closer as the voices kept talking, the atmosphere was quickly turning volatile. Ulquiorra could tell the one being harassed was younger than the others, judging by his voice, and thought of what could they be arguing about. Suddenly he heard the distinct click of a gun's safety being removed and froze.

"This is the end for you, Shirosaki. No more games." To Ulquiorra's surprise there was another string of laughter, the jeering sound echoed in the air.

"Hit me with your best shot, it'll be your only chance." Ulquiorra couldn't later explain even to himself what had happened. He only remembered grabbing the nearest thing and throwing it towards the voices still in the dark. The lid of a trash can had apparently hit its mark as there was a thud and loud swearing, followed by the sounds of struggle and then loud gunshots that made Ulquiorra's ears hum. Ulquiorra waited until it was quiet again and then stepped forward, some form of curiosity driving him forward.

At the end of the alleyway were three men, all lying in pools of blood. Ulquiorra first thought they were all dead, but then one of them moved and started swearing.

"Fucking idiot bastards, shit..." the live one cursed as he pressed his hand to his side which was bleeding profusely. Ulquiorra hesitated for a second and then moved closer until the man noticed him. Ulquiorra was surprised to see they were about the same age, and there was something eerily familiar about his face.

"Hey, little help here?" the young man asked, his breathing sounded difficult. Ulquiorra walked to his side and crouched down.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?" he asked. In some other situation it would've been a stupid question but considering the circumstances Ulquiorra figured the young man might have reasons not to go to a general hospital.

"How bad is it?" the young man asked and lifted his hoodie up to reveal the wound. Ulquiorra leaned closer and tried to wipe of most of the blood. It seemed that the bullet had only graced the skin on his abdomen, if he had been shot only once.

"If this is the only wound, I think you'll live" he told the young man, who laughed darkly.

"Well ain't I the lucky one" he said, then flinched as Ulquiorra suddenly grabbed his blood- stained hoodie and tore a shred off. He then wrapped the cloth around his midsection.

"Press it, it'll help stop the bleeding." The young man laughed again as he pressed his bloodied hand on the wound.

"Are you a doctor or something?"

"Basic knowledge" Ulquiorra said as he looked at the other two. They were definitely dead.

"Could you give me a hand?" the young man asked as he tried to get back to his feet. Ulquiorra supported him, he was surprisingly light. Ulquiorra could feel his bones as he placed his hand against his back. The young man threw his free arm around Ulquiorra's shoulders and together they slowly walked out from the alleyway. To their luck the streets were empty, curious onlookers would've made the strange situation even more uncomfortable. Ulquiorra saw his discarded umbrella on the ground, he had dropped it while grabbing the lid of the trashcan. He couldn't hold it while having to carry the young man, so he decided to just leave it. Someone would have more use for it than he did.

"Where are you planning to go?" Ulquiorra asked as they had walked one block, the rain wasn't easing on them. The young man was quiet for a second, water pouring down his face and soaking his hair.

"I have no idea" he finally said with a low chuckle, "I'm not from around here and the place I'm staying...I don't think they'd appreciate this."

"Then where?"

"I was kinda hoping you could help me with that" the young man said and turned to look at Ulquiorra, apparently trying to squeeze out a charming smile.

"Okay" Ulquiorra said, still not knowing why he was doing all this. Facing danger was one thing, taking care of a wounded stranger was something completely different and much riskier. But Ulquiorra knew leaving him out here, especially in this neighborhood would mean he'd be dead by the morning.

"I live nearby, you think you can make it?"

"Yeah sure thing, no sweat" the young man gasped as they stumbled forward. After few minutes of painstaking walking towards Ulquiorra's apartment the young man urged him to stop so he could breathe.

"Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor?"

"It's just the shock, I'm fine" he replied, "is it far anymore?"

"Just one block."

"Okay, let's do this." The young man hoisted himself up and leaned against Ulquiorra again, he thanked that the young man was so thin. It would've been impossible to carry him this far otherwise. Finally they managed to limb to Ulquiorra's door and the young man leaned against the wall while Ulquiorra searched for his keys. He aided the young man inside, flicking on the lights.

"Nice place" the young man said just before collapsing on the couch. For a second Ulquiorra thought about how the blood stains and his wet clothes would ruin the fabric but said nothing, it didn't seem appropriate.

"Oi, by the way" the young man said as he slowly started to catch his breath again, "the name's Shiro. Thought you should know." _Short for Shirosaki, _Ulquiorra remembered the thugs calling him that. Now suddenly Ulquiorra realized why Shiro looked familiar to him, the clue was in the name.

"So what's the name of my savior?" Shiro asked with another endearing grin.

"Ulquiorra." Shiro's eyes widened for a second, as if he had heard the name before. Ulquiorra didn't know what to think of it. _He said he's new in town...Maybe he's staying with Kurosaki. That would make sense as he said he couldn't go there now. Kurosaki would flip if he found him like this. __But if he's heard my name, Kurosaki has told it to him. Why?_

"You look familiar" Ulquiorra said, deciding to make sure if he was right. Shiro first seemed to deny it, but then his face melted back into that wicked grin that seemed to be his resting face.

"Might be" he chuckled, there was no sign of the fatigue he had shown outside. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and started to take off his soaked hoodie. Ulquiorra realized his own clothes were drenched too, sticking tightly to his skin like suction cups.

"I'm going to change, you can use the shower if you want to" he told Shiro as he walked to his own room. He caught a glimpse of Shiro's bare upper body as he shed his wet clothes to the floor. The impromptu bandage had soaked through with blood and rain water, but Ulquiorra couldn't see any other wounds on him.

Ulquiorra threw his wet clothes straight to the washing basket, then thought maybe he should borrow some of his clothes to Shiro. Otherwise he'd have to walk around naked, and though Ulquiorra had rescued him and let him into his house, even he had his limits. Going through his sparse wardrobe Ulquiorra tried to figure out what would even fit Shiro, he was thin as a rail but taller than him, so finding suitable pants would be a problem. Ulquiorra had just got himself dressed when he heard a loud crash from the bathroom, and again the swearing. _Oh for God's sake, why did I do this again? This isn't me, I'm not the good guy who picks up people from the streets, _he sighed as he rushed to the bathroom. The door was of course locked. Ulquiorra found himself again confused by this strange situation. _I can't break it down, I'll just break my own shoulder. Maybe I could pick the lock..._Ulquiorra took a second to realize how he had never before had to think of things like this.

"Are you alright?" he tried to ask, maybe Shiro was alright on his own. But instead he got a painful groan as an answer.

"I fell" Shiro croaked, "and I could use your hand again." Ulquiorra rubbed his face with his hand before looking at the lock again.

"Can you open the door?" There was shuffling and then a smack as Shiro apparently fell against the floor tiles again.

"No."

"Right" Ulquiorra tried wrenching the door handle, hoping maybe the old lock would give to sheer force, but realized with his skinny frame he didn't really have that much strength in him.

"I need to pick the lock" he told Shiro through the door, "any tips?" There was a short silence before Shiro answered.

"Well, actually..."

As Ulquiorra finally opened the door, he saw Shiro spread across the floor on his back, the bandage was gone and now Ulquiorra could properly see the full damage the gunshot had made. It didn't look as bad as it could've been, but Ulquiorra was now sure it would take more than just bed rest and bandages to heal him. The shower was still on, and the water slowly started to cover the whole floor. Shiro craned his neck back to see Ulquiorra and grinned again.

"Hey, you're a natural."

"I don't think that's a thing I want to be, in this respect." Shiro cackled but had to stop as the wound expanded on his side as he laughed.

"Ouch, that hurts" he gasped and then reached his hand to Ulquiorra, "you mind?" _What's the alternative, leaving you here? _Ulquiorra crouched down next to Shiro, putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Ready?" Shiro nodded and tried to push himself up as Ulquiorra tried to lift him, but his feet slipped on the floor and they both fell down on the cold wet floor.

"Goddamnit!" Shiro swore as he hit the back of his head against the floor. Ulquiorra had fallen forward and was lying on top of him. He tried to quickly scramble off, but the wet floor made his every move take him to the exactly wrong direction. He tried to avoid any more bodily contact with Shiro, but the wet floor had other plans. Finally he resorted into rolling back and managed to hit his body to the floor beside Shiro.

"That didn't go well" he said as he stared at the ceiling of the bathroom, trying to think how they both could now get up and out of here. To his surprise, Shiro just chuckled again.

"I wouldn't say that, I got some nice action there" he said and turned to Ulquiorra, "was it good for you?"

"Shut up" Ulquiorra said, not even looking at Shiro. His answer only made Shiro laugh louder, the sound was mixed in with his painful gasps as the wound kept stretching on his side. _What have I done to deserve this? If someone had told me this morning this is how my day would end, I probably would've stayed home. _Ulquiorra glanced quickly at the naked young man laughing beside him on the bathroom floor, bleeding from the gunshot wound on his side. _I would've definitely stayed home. _


	7. Chapter 7

**_I know I should be writing every other story that I still have going on but this is the one that holds my interest right now. As said, angst is more of my cup of tea than anything else, college drama is giving me hell of a time right now. Hopefully it gets better (but not for these guys in this story). Read&review, tell if it's still any good!_**

* * *

**Chapter 7. **_**The night still lives on**_

Ulquiorra somehow finally managed to get both himself and Shiro out of the bathroom, and even found him some clothes that almost fit. He had to admit that Shiro did look slightly ridiculous in a pair of pants few inches too short but at least he was clothed. Ulquiorra had noticed fairly quickly that if it depended on Shiro himself, he wouldn't bother with clothes at all. And apparently he found it extremely amusing to try and make Ulquiorra feel as awkward as possible. Ulquiorra had offered to clean his wound and bandage it again, and Shiro had used their inevitable close proximity to breathe in Ulquiorra's neck and trying to touch his hair.

"What are you doing?" Ulquiorra had asked just as Shiro had been about to sink his fingers into his hair.

"Nothing" Shiro had just smirked, but had pulled his hand back. Ulquiorra had tried to talk him to seeing a doctor, the sight of shredded flesh made him shudder as he had bound the wound again but Shiro had said no.

Ulquiorra was now trying to find something to eat while Shiro lounged on the couch, figuring the already malnourished Shiro would have hard time recovering without food.

"So, what do you do, Ulquiorra?"

"For what?"

"For anything, you just walk around the slums looking for trouble?"

"No." Shiro didn't seem to get the hint from Ulquiorra's sparse responses and kept bugging him.

"So what, you working, studying, what?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just curious of what kind of a guy saved my life."

"There's nothing you should know about me" Ulquiorra replied as he started to boil noodles, running bit short on ideas. Before Shiro had a chance to ask more stupid questions, there was a loud bang on the door. Ulquiorra's first though that was that someone had followed them and called for back-up before storming in. Apparently Shiro had had the same idea as he tried to scramble back to his feet from the couch, looking for something to use as a weapon. But they were promptly proven wrong as a familiar voice called from outside the door.

"Ulquiorra, open the fucking door! I know you're home!" Shiro raised his eyebrows and looked at Ulquiorra who was standing in the living room's doorway. There was no telling what he was thinking, as usual, but Shiro thought he might've detected a small shiver running through Ulquiorra as he heard Grimmjow's voice shouting at him.

"Not expecting him, were you?" Ulquiorra didn't answer, but didn't make a move to go open the door either. There was another series of kicks and punches landing on the door that already shook on its hinges.

"Open up, or I'll break this fucking door down, I swear!"

"I think he's being serious" Shiro said helpfully. Ulquiorra finally walked to the door, not wanting for his neighbours to wake up and complain, or lose his door. He noticed his hands were shaking as he removed the safety chain and barely managed to open the door when Grimmjow burst in. He looked dreadful, his clothes were soaked from the rain and stuck to his skin and the dark circles under his eyes signaled the loss of sleep. But his eyes were blazing with rage, the look from him alone was enough to make Ulquiorra step back. Shiro tilted his head to one side, curious of what was happening. He hadn't seen Grimmjow this furious before and wanted to know what had caused it.

"You bastard" Grimmjow spat at Ulquiorra, not even noticing Shiro at first, "you have any idea what you've done?" Ulquiorra's first instinct was to answer in his usual dry manner buthe could see that Grimmjow was out for blood and being blunt would only cause him a great deal of personal damage.

"Grimmjow, I have no idea what you're even talking about" he said, trying to sound calm though his legs were shaking and his stomach knotted up, "what has happened, is Neliel..."

"Don't talk about my sister!" Grimmjow lashed out, "Don't ever even mention my family, you sick, disgusting bastard!" Only now Grimmjow noticed Shiro sitting idly on the couch behind Ulquiorra and his eyes narrowed.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Grimmjow quickly took in Shiro's wet hair and ill-fitting clothes and glanced back at Ulquiorra who looked dishevelled as well. Grimmjow's face twisted into a grimace and he nearly spat on the floor.

"Wouldn't have thought him as your type, Ulquiorra" Grimmjow said bitingly, "but now I see it fits you just perfectly." Ulquiorra flinched, his hands balling into fists. Shiro didn't react to Grimmjow's accusations, he kept his eyes on Ulquiorra, trying to read his mind.

"Grimmjow, he's not..." Ulquiorra started but realized how trivial that was at the moment, "just tell me what has happened, is someone hurt?"

"Oh like you don't know! You gave them to her, you son of bitch!"

"Gave what to whom? You're not making any sense."

"My mother!" Grimmjow shouted, making Ulquiorra almost crouch down, "You almost killed my mother, you fucking idiot! You gave her the needles, I told you not to give her anything, even if she begged you!" Ulquiorra blinked slowly, he still wasn't following what Grimmjow was saying. The loud thumping of his heart in his ears made everything even harder to understand.

"I- I didn't give her anything, why would I do that?"

"Yes you did! I found them at my house, from your pharmacy! It's your fucking name on the receipt!" Grimmjow dug something out from his pocket and threw it in Ulquiorra's face. Ulquiorra fumbled for the item and realized he was holding a small paper bag from his work and a receipt for needles, with his name printed on as the salesperson.

"I...I wouldn't have...No, this isn't..." he tried but Grimmjow wasn't listening.

"Don't try to bullshit me!"

"I swear, I haven't given these to her!" Ulquiorra snapped and for a second Grimmjow looked slightly shaken by his response. But he quickly recovered and stepped closer, his hand twitching as if he was about to grab Ulquiorra. Even Shiro was getting anxious, slowly moving closer in case Grimmjow turned violent and attacked either of them.

"You fucking disgust me, you little piece of shit" Grimmjow snarled and Ulquiorra's expressionless mask was starting to crack.

"Grimmjow, I swear..."

"I don't give a fuck! You almost killed her, this is your fault! I don't want to see you ever again! You stay the fuck away from me and my family, understand that?!" Grimmjow leaned forward to grab Ulquiorra but Shiro got in his way, acting as a human shield in front of Ulquiorra.

"Stay out of this, you freak" Grimmjow said but Shiro didn't move.

"Easy there, big fellow" he said, "you've done enough here."

"Fuck you!" Shiro didn't budge, even when Grimmjow grabbed the front of his shirt. Ulquiorra was frozen on his place, his hands shaking and his face felt hot and uncomfortable. He was sure his head would explode from the heat. Shiro grabbed Grimmjow's hands and pulled them off, showing strength he shouldn't have had judging by his skinny frame.

"We've heard you, just leave before you start something you can't finish." First it looked like Grimmjow was ready to tear Shiro apart, but surprisingly he stepped back, throwing one last glare at Ulquiorra covering behind Shiro.

"You're fucking dead to me, Ulquiorra. Nnoitra's right, you should kill yourself before you do any more damage." With that Grimmjow stormed out, almost tearing the door down as he went. Shiro tried his best to close the door, jamming it with his shoulder to align the hinges back in place. He turned to Ulquiorra who looked he was still in shock.

"That was interesting" Shiro said as he leaned down to pick up the bag from the pharmacy and looked over the receipt, "wouldn't have thought that meathead could actually deduce something from this." Shiro glanced at Ulquiorra who was being quiet even for his own standards.

"Oi, you alright? I know he's scary and all, but..." Shiro narrowed his eyes as he tried to decipher the look on Ulquiorra's face.

"Oh." Shiro was starting to realize Ulquiorra wasn't scared of Grimmjow, this was something else, "right. So..." Shiro moved closer to Ulquiorra, leaning down so their faces were on level with each other.

"You wanna talk about it?" Ulquiorra finally snapped out of his stupor and stared back at Shiro.

"What?"

"About that, Grimmy getting all Hulk on you. You don't look too good."

"You're one to talk." Shiro grinned. Maybe Grimmjow's outburst hadn't done any permanent damage after all.

"Yeah I know. But I got shot, you just got yelled at. Not the same thing. Then again, less mental scarring from getting shot." Ulquiorra didn't seem to appreciate Shiro's jokes but at least he started to look almost normal.

"You're really not being funny, you know that?"

"Well it's still better than trying to kick your ass, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure anymore." Shiro patted Ulquiorra on the head, earning a bewildered look.

"You'll be fine, just ignore that asshole. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is" Ulquiorra said and his gloomy mood was back, "I don't know how this happened, but..."

"He's just being an asshole, anyone could've gotten those needles and given them to his mom. You can't just stop giving needles to everyone just because his mother is a junkie."

"Yes...Maybe so" Ulquiorra said and then sighed, "but he won't believe me. He hates me." Shiro scoffed.

"Who cares? He'll get over it."

"No he won't" Ulquiorra argued and then paused before quietly adding, "and I care." Shiro stared at Ulquiorra for a long time.

"Yeah, I guess you do."

"This is stupid" Ulquiorra said and sat down on the couch, "I'm an idiot." Shiro shrugged, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling.

"Well that's bit obvious, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone's an idiot when they like someone. Especially if that person's a huge jerk."

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Ulquiorra said, figuring denial was his only strategy left. He had already done enough for Shiro, he wasn't going to have Kurosaki's strange relative first bleed on his couch and then know all his secrets as well.

"Yeah whatever, I get it" Shiro said as he lopped down to the couch, "none of my business anyway."

"Finally you're making sense." Shiro smirked and stretched his arms on the back of the couch. There was silence as Ulquiorra brooded quietly and Shiro eyed the ceiling.

"Soooo" he finally said, "what now?"

"Now nothing" Ulquiorra said and turned to Shiro, who suddenly felt the need to create distance between himself and Ulquiorra, "this never happened, you were never here, you saw nothing. Understood?"

"Yeah sure, whatever. Just thought if you..."

"No, I don't. Whatever it is, I don't want it. Not from you, not from anyone."

"Fine, just calm down. Shit..." Shiro shook his head and then winced as his wound ached. Ulquiorra tried to ignore him but couldn't. He got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, remembering he had been making noodles before Grimmjow had busted in. The water was still boiling so he threw the noodles in and then went through his cupboards. He walked back to Shiro with a glass of water and some pills.

"Here, painkillers." Shiro looked at the pills before taking them and gulping them down with water.

"Thanks" he said, "though I probably shouldn't be taking any of this kind of stuff."

"I figured as much. But at least you can rest now for a while." Ulquiorra walked back to the kitchen to watch the noodles. Shiro stared at the empty glass in his hand and tried to figure out how his night had somehow ended like this. Getting himself shot, then rescued by a stranger who just happened to be Grimmjow's friend, having Grimmjow bust in like a raging bull and finding himself in the middle of some weird relationship triangle, an unusual night even for Shiro. He leaned back on the couch, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. Ulquiorra had gotten him interested, there was something strange about the meek young man. Seeing him react to Grimmjow's outburst like that had made Shiro suspicious, someone who risked his own life in saving a stranger wouldn't shrink away from conflict like that. Unless there was something else going on.

Shiro had always been good at reading people and keeping his own thoughts as a mystery to others. That skill had become handy more than once during the years but now he faced something different than calling out some thug's bluff. Ulquiorra's blank exterior had cracked for few minutes but now he seemed to be back to normal, and though Shiro was pretty sure about what was going he wanted to hear it from Ulquiorra himself. _Much more fun that way. And gives me something to do in this deadbeat town while I lay low for a while. _Shiro shifted as he felt the dull ache in his side slowly lessening. _This time I got more than lucky. I doubt it will hold out for much longer...Stuff like this just doesn't happen to me. _Ulquiorra came back from the kitchen with a bowl of steaming noodles and earned a wide smile from Shiro. _This never happens to me._

* * *

Ichigo was almost nodding off in the armchair situated in the corner of their guest room. Neliel was fast asleep in the bed, she had already been tucked in when Ichigo had made it back home. He had decided to watch over her while she slept in case her condition took a turn for the worse. But the stress and lack of sleep was getting to him and his eyes kept closing. Just as Ichigo was about to fall asleep, his phone started to ring in his pocket. Ichigo snapped awake and tried to sneak out quickly before Neliel woke up. Once in the hallway he answered the phone, not bothering to look at the caller ID figuring no one but his father would call him this time of night.

"Hello."

"You home?" Ichigo's yawn stuck to his throat when he heard Grimmjow's voice coming down the line.

"Wh- Grimm? Aren't you at the hospital?"

"Your Dad told me I should go home." Ichigo wasn't sure whether that was because of the chaos Grimmjow usually caused wherever he went or if his father was worried about Grimmjow himself.

"Oh, okay...Yeah, I'm home, I was just with Nel..."

"Can I come over?"

"Oh...I ah..." Ichigo was stumped. Though he knew he shouldn't be, knowing Grimmjow's mood this kind of face heel turn was quite common for him.

"Yeah, sure. But we have to be quiet, the girls are sleeping." Ichigo didn't even finish his sentence when the line clicked signalling Grimmjow had hung up on him.

"Great. Perfect" Ichigo sighed to himself as he wandered back to the front room to wait for Grimmjow. He had a feeling there would be just more trouble on the way.

Almost half an hour later Ichigo heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the door and quickly went to open it before Grimmjow knocked. Grimmjow stumbled inside, almost knocking Ichigo down on his way in. Ichigo didn't say anything as he closed the door, he could again sense Grimmjow's rotten mood. He barely dared to turn around to look at him as he stood in the hallway, water dripping from his clothes. He looked like he had been outside in the rain for hours, and he shivered from the cold.

"Grimm, are you..." Ichigo started but remembered how Grimmjow hated stupid questions, "You wanna take a shower? I can get you some dry clothes." Grimmjow brooded quietly for a second before nodding shortly, Ichigo decided to still keep his distance in order not to get in the way of Grimmjow's foul mood.

"The bathroom is upstairs, there should be clean towels on the rack. I'll go get you some clothes" Ichigo said and let Grimmjow walk upstairs before heading to his father's bedroom. He rummaged through his father's dresser hoping to find some suitable clothes, finally settling for black t-shirt and some cotton pants. He just hoped they would fit. Ichigo walked upstairs and left the clothes behind the bathroom door, he could hear the shower still running. He thought about the call he had made to his father while waiting for Grimmjow, asking why Grimmjow wasn't still at the hospital.

"_He seemed to be too upset to be near his mother. I was afraid the security would throw him out before long" _Isshin had said, _"besides, there is not really anything he could've done around here. I told him he should go home and get some sleep, but I doubt he has done that. He seemed troubled, more than usual."_

"_Is it okay if he comes here? I'm sure he'd be calmer once he's near Neliel."_

"_Yes, it's fine, just look after him Ichigo. He's in a bad place right now, there's no telling what he'll do." _

Ichigo sneaked back downstairs, he figured Grimmjow wouldn't appreciate seeing him stand right outside the bathroom once he came out. He went back to the guestroom to set up another bed next to Neliel's for Grimmjow. He shuffled the mattress quietly around and put on the bed sheets in the hallway so she wouldn't wake up. He was just stuffing the pillow into a pillowcase when he heard Grimmjow coming down the stairs. He looked slightly better than before, though the look on his face would've been enough to scare little children. He was holding the soaked clothes in his arms.

"I can take those" Ichigo offered quickly, holding out his hands. Grimmjow seemed to look straight through him as Ichigo took his clothes.

"You can sleep here with Nel, if you want to. She's sleeping, she seems alright."

"'K." Normally Ichigo would've flipped from getting responses like that after all the charitable things he and his father had done for Grimmjow and his family, but now just looking at him made it impossible to get mad. And it was also most likely very dangerous to start mouthing Grimmjow off right now, he looked like he would think nothing of beating someone to the pulp just from saying one wrong word.

"Okay, so if you're alright I'm gonna go catch some sleep too" Ichigo said and turned to go sleep in his father's room. Grimmjow stared at nothing for few seconds before his brain gave in and he opened his mouth.

"Ichigo, wait."

"Yeah?" Ichigo sounded almost too eager to talk. Grimmjow sighed tiredly, he didn't feel like talking to Ichigo and having those puppy eyes constantly on him, wanting to help and understand so badly. But he knew he couldn't sleep either, and it wasn't like he had anyone else he could talk to anymore.

"Can we talk, or something. I'm not tired."

"Yeah sure" Ichigo said and even tried to smile at him, "you hungry?" Grimmjow was going to say no, just out of principle, but his stomach answered for him with a loud rumble.

"Yeah, I guess."

* * *

Grimmjow munched down the sandwich Ichigo had made for him in less than a minute. He felt Ichigo's concerned eyes on him the whole time but tried to ignore it. He realized he couldn't remember the last time he ate, he could feel his stomach almost caving in towards his spine as he sat down.

"So..." Ichigo began but Grimmjow wasn't feeling like doing small talk. He didn't want to answer to Ichigo's stupid questions so he decided to make the initiative.

"I saw your little freak." Ichigo's mouth snapped shut and he frowned trying to understand.

"My little...Oh, Shiro?" Grimmjow raised his eyebrows as an answer.

"Yeah, him."

"Where? I thought you were at the hospital."

"I had some stuff I needed to do. Plus I hate hospitals."

"Who doesn't?" Ichigo said with another strained smile that got no response, "So, how was Shiro?" The mental image of Shiro wearing Ulquiorra's clothes flashed in Grimmjow's head and he thought of how much he should tell Ichigo. His anger had already burned down to a simmering cool rage after getting most of it out, he could now actually think straight. The thing that kept bugging him was that despite feeling nothing but contempt towards Ulquiorra, he kept remembering the look on his face, how his eyes had almost died when he had shouted at him. _And what the hell was Shiro doing there? _Grimmjow knew deep down that Ulquiorra wasn't hooking up with the strange albino, implying it had just been one way to try and hurt him, to get some kind of a reaction out of him. Shiro's presence had just been convenient. But that left the question, what the hell had happened to those two?

"He was fine, though in bad company."

"Well that's nothing new" Ichigo sighed, "I was wondering when he'd be getting himself into some trouble, again. I should probably call him, tell him to come home."

"Not a good idea, he looked he was busy" Grimmjow said and chugged down a glass of water. Ichigo frowned but kept it at that, this night had been strange enough without having to deal with Shiro's problems as well.

"You still hungry?" Ichigo asked, "I can make you another if you want to."

"I'm good."

"You sure? I can try to make something else if..."

"Kurosaki" Grimmjow said sharply, "quit treating me like a baby, I'm not Nel. And stop looking me like that too, it bugs the hell out of me."

"Look at you, what do you mean?"

"Like you're some sick puppy and want a bone or something, it's fucking distracting."

"Alright, sorry" Ichigo scoffed and folded his arms on his chest, "I wasn't aware of that."

"Well now you are, so stop it. Makes me feel...weird." _Like I should rub your belly, _Grimmjow ended the sentence in his head and almost hit his head against the table. _The fuck is it with me? I need to get some sleep_, _my head isn't right. _Grimmjow rose from his chair and pulled up his loaned cotton pants, they hung loosely around his hips.

"Sorry about the clothes, I don't have any of my own here anymore" Ichigo said, "my Dad isn't really your size."

"It's fine. Probably would've made me look like an idiot anyway" Grimmjow said as he tried to walk so that the pants wouldn't fall down.

"You look good" Ichigo blurted out and immediately wanted to punch himself in the face as Grimmjow whipped his head at his direction, his eyes narrowing.

"What?"

"Nothing." Grimmjow wasn't buying it. He slowly walked back over to Ichigo until he was right on his face. Grimmjow was few inches taller than Ichigo so he could look down at him, smirking as he noticed how Ichigo was almost trembling.

"Say it again, Kurosaki." Ichigo stared at Grimmjow's mouth as he didn't dare to look at him in the eyes but quickly realized it was a mistake.

"I uh...Grimm, I..."

"Say it."

"You- you look good. In those clothes." Ichigo waited with bated breath what would come next but Grimmjow just grinned and stepped back, giving Ichigo last victorious look before walking out of the kitchen. Ichigo felt his knees buckling under him and grabbed hold of the kitchen counter, his face felt uncomfortably hot. _What the...What the hell just happened? And why did I say that? _Ichigo groaned and smacked himself on the forehead. _You're a big lovesick idiot, Ichigo. And you have the worst taste in men._

* * *

_I hope things aren't too unclear for everyone, I know they make sense to me since I know what's going to happen but I don't want to spell everything out too clearly. Things will come clearer as the story goes on, just hoping no one is completely confused by all this. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8. _To get me to you_**

Grimmjow stared at the ceiling, listening to Nel's shallow breathing. His mind was going on overdrive, preventing him from falling asleep. The day had been abysmal at best, and everything that had happened just spun around in his head. Grimmjow hated having to think things over, he'd much rather act. That was why he had stormed to Ulquiorra's place, hoping it would've made him feel better to get to shout at somebody and place the blame. Stupid, but he had to blame somebody else, his mother was in no condition to bear his rage. And he had already wasted all the anger he could conjure up against her anyway. Grimmjow shifted on the bed, turning to his side. _Why is everyone acting like a fucking maniac? I bet it's Shiro's fault, every time he pops up everything goes into shit. He's even got to Ulquiorra this time, have to give him props for that little miracle..._

Grimmjow chuckled lightly, in any other situation busting in on Ulquiorra with Shiro would've been the highlight of his week, even month. He'd given him hell for that for days, maybe that would've been something to finally make him squirm like a normal human being. Grimmjow couldn't help but to compare Ulquiorra's aloofness to Ichigo's constant flinching, it didn't take any effort to make Ichigo blush or get all confused. All he had to do was stand too close or say few kind words and he was simpering like a little girl. Grimmjow smirked in the darkness, running a hand through his hair. _Almost too easy...And apparently the rumours are true. Or then he's just really fucking scared of me. _Grimmjow suddenly realized something that made his smirk disappear. _Or the exact opposite._ Grimmjow groaned and pressed his face into his hands as the idea became self-explanatory. _Oh shit._

It suddenly made sense. All those smug grins, they weren't smug at all. They were just trying way too much. And goading him about Neliel, it was actually trying to be friendly. Pissing him off with his quips had been just teasing, something normal people did to those they liked. _And all this...The clothes, the sandwich...Holy fuck, he's basically my girlfriend! _Grimmjow sat up on the mattress, suddenly the clothes felt too tight. At the same time he wanted to kick Ichigo's head in for this but also felt strangely awkward. And stupid. Grimmjow smacked his hand on his forehead, then shot a look at Neliel to see if she had woken up. Luckily she was still fast asleep.

Grimmjow sighed as his hands lopped back to his sides. _Well, fuck me sideways. Why is he...Why me? I haven't done anything! At least not to make him...Shit. _Grimmjow craned his head back with a groan.

For a second he hoped he could've called Ulquiorra, he could always make things like this sound unimportant and insignificant. Then the cold rage was back again and Grimmjow grimaced at the empty room. _Fuck him. Fuck him and his stupid face. I can figure this out myself. _Grimmjow kicked the covers aside, he suddenly felt hot. His head felt uncomfortable too, like heat was searing through his temples. Now he was sure he couldn't get any sleep, and trashing around close to Nel wasn't a good option either. Grimmjow got up and quietly left the room, pressing the door shut behind him.

The whole house was quiet and dark. Grimmjow wasn't sure what he'd do now, but headed towards the kitchen, figuring it to be a neutral zone. He flicked on the lights and took a second just to look at the room. It was cozy, small but enough for just four people. Or five as it had been originally. Grimmjow walked slowly around the table and noticed he was still hungry. After slight hesitation he went to the fridge, and immediately felt inferior when he saw all what it held. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen this much food. His first reaction was to slam the door shut but his hunger won him over. Not even knowing where to start he grabbed the ingredients for a sandwich.

Grimmjow browsed through all the cupboards to find bread and for a moment just looked at the amount of food in front of him. His father's prideful words rang in his head as he reached for the soft white bread, scolding him for taking alms from others. His father had always been against even letting Isshin take care of Neliel for free, but mother had talked him over for the first few years. Grimmjow realized he hadn't even given his father one thought after he had disappeared. Then again, he had lost hope on the man years ago, so nothing he did anymore could faze him in the slightest. To Grimmjow this was just one longer disappearance among many others. Though this time he couldn't care less if his father never came back.

Grimmjow sat down with his sandwich, feeling angry for letting his mind wander like this. Usually he kept himself too busy to dwell on things like this, but now everything was suddenly crashing in. It was already feeling like a strain. _I'm too sober for this shit. But hell if I have the luxury of getting drunk here, and now. Fuck. _Grimmjow leaned back in his chair, looking at his half-eaten sandwich, it wasn't as good as the one Ichigo had made him. Grimmjow rolled his eyes as he thought of Ichigo. _Why me? Just why? Why now? _Grimmjow tore at his hair again as if trying to pull the answers out of his head.

Grimmjow was too deep in thought to hear the faint footsteps coming down the hall before Ichigo was already at the kitchen door. He took in the scene for a second before saying anything. Grimmjow looked surprisingly different when he didn't know someone was looking at him. The angry scowl on his face was gone, his mouth relaxed and his eyes looked softer. Ichigo could almost think nothing bad had ever happened to him as he sat there eating a sandwich, his mind obviously miles away. Finally Ichigo decided to make his presence known, figuring Grimmjow wouldn't be thankful knowing he had been standing there without saying anything.

"Can't sleep?" he asked softly, hoping he wouldn't get a sandwich in the face. Grimmjow flinched slightly and in a second his usual scowl returned to his face.

"What does it look like?" Ichigo felt relieved, he had feared after the latest incident Grimmjow would've treated him differently. Now his snarky comments were actually welcomed.

"Yeah, me neither." Ichigo folded his arms, still keeping his distance to Grimmjow who continued eating his sandwich.

"You want company?" Grimmjow shrugged.

"It's your house."

"Just being polite."

"Don't bother." Ichigo scoffed, walking to the table. The basic "are you alright?"- questions were right on his tongue but he managed to swallow them. Even he could agree that now they were bit redundant, but that left him without anything intelligent to say. And all he could think about was asking Grimmjow about their latest exchange, and that was basically begging for an ass-kicking.

Grimmjow finished his sandwich and got up, and Ichigo thought he'd leave him sitting alone. But instead he walked to the counter where the sandwich ingredients were still spread out.

"You want one?" Grimmjow might as well have asked Ichigo to dance.

"Are you serious?" The look on Grimmjow's face was an answer enough.

"You want it, or not?" Ichigo's mind immediately thought of all the other things that the question could relate to but managed to keep his face in check.

"Yeah yeah, sure. Thanks."

"It's your food."

"As long as you're staying here it's yours too." Grimmjow said nothing to that as he started to slab the sandwiches together. Ichigo could tell he wasn't used to that, or then he just slap-dashed everything he ate. When he was done he almost threw Ichigo his sandwich while already biting into his own.

"Thanks."

"It's nothing. Yours were better." Ichigo's jaws stopped moving and he slowly raised his eyes to Grimmjow.

"Sorry?"

"You heard me just fine, stop fishing for compliments."

"Like you do?" Grimmjow slowly raised his eyes to Ichigo and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Wanna repeat that?" Ichigo swallowed hardly, suddenly he was reminded of how quickly things could turn ugly with Grimmjow.

"Not really."

"Good." Silence fell again but Ichigo's patience was finally wearing thin. And his self- discipline. He dropped the sandwich on the table and folded his arms on his chest. Grimmjow ignored his bold gestures, keeping his eyes cast down. Ichigo inhaled quietly, bracing himself. _Here goes nothing._

"What's your problem?" Grimmjow kept ignoring him.

"I'm talking to you, Grimmjow" Ichigo said, trying to keep his voice steady though his legs were shaking from nervousness.

"I heard you."

"Then why-" Ichigo had to pause to gather his thoughts, this wasn't going to be easy anyway and getting angry would make it even worse, "why are you acting like that?"

"Shouldn't come as a surprise to you at this point. Compared to before, I'm being quite nice."

"Yeah I know, that's why I'm asking." Finally Grimmjow looked at Ichigo with an unreadable expression on his face.

"So what, you'd prefer being treated like shit?"

"Well yeah! Actually" Ichigo said and earned a curious expression from Grimmjow. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.

"And why is that?" Ichigo opened his mouth but the words caught in his throat. _Why does he have to look at me like that? _It had been much easier for Ichigo to function normally when Grimmjow had only spared him hateful and resentful looks, though at the time he hadn't really thought of it in that light. He had yearned for moments like this, them sitting together at a table sharing a sandwich, actually talking like civilized people, for Grimmjow to let him in and prove to him he wasn't the jerk Grimmjow pictured him to be.

"Because I- I..." Ichigo cursed himself for falling apart like this, just because Grimmjow was sitting right there and looking at him, waiting for him to have his say. The right words kept escaping him, as if he had forgotten how to speak at all. His hands were now shaking too and he tucked them tighter under his arms. He had to look away from Grimmjow, his amused eyes were making it all ten times worse.

Grimmjow watched Ichigo's little performance with interest but finally just felt sorry for him, the guy was a nervous wreck before he even got to say anything. Not that he needed to anymore, his behavior alone proved Grimmjow's suspicions true. But now it was just getting sad. Grimmjow sighed heavily and got up from the table, Ichigo flinched as he moved.

"I'll go see how Nel's doing."

"Oh, okay" Ichigo said but he was already gone. Ichigo exhaled, feeling himself deflating as he did. _Still gotta work on that not-acting-like-an-idiot- thing._ After feeling sorry for himself for few minutes, Ichigo got up to. _Come on Ichigo, pull yourself together! He's just a guy! _Ichigo sighed, he knew trying to psyche himself like this wouldn't work. _A guy you'd wanna kiss so hard it hurts. Good luck with that, idiot. _With another moment to prepare himself, Ichigo followed Grimmjow, hoping this time he'd find the right words.

* * *

Ulquiorra woke up to the unnerving feeling he was being watched. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the darkness until he could vaguely make out the grainy texture of wall in front of him. He could hear someone else breathing in the room and pressed his hand against the mattress to lift himself up. Ulquiorra sat up and turned around to see Shiro sitting on the floor opposite his bed. His ashen hair and pale skin were easy to see even in the darkened room. Shiro waved his hand to him.

"Hey, you're up."

"What are you doing in my room?" Shiro shrugged his bony shoulders, even Ulquiorra small t-shirt was hanging loosely on his frame.

"Couldn't sleep, there's nothing on TV."

"So you came to watch me sleep."

"Yup." Ulquiorra rubbed his face with his hand.

"You're a very strange person." Shiro laughed.

"I wouldn't have thought I could surprise you with that anymore."

"Not really, you just keep proving me right."

"About what?"

"That saving you was a mistake." Shiro was quiet for a second and then laughed again, louder this time. Ulquiorra rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, he had figured this would be his reaction.

"Aaah, you know what Ulqui? I like you."

"Shame on me then."

"Oh, don't say that" Shiro grinned and got up from the floor, taking few steps closer to Ulquiorra's bed.

"I have a feeling getting rid of you will prove to be even harder than rescuing you."

"You shouldn't be so nice to me if you want me to leave."

"You have a very strange perception of niceness."

"Saving a stranger's life isn't considered being nice?"

"Regretting it afterwards certainly isn't." Shiro shook his head and sat down at the foot of Ulquiorra's bed. He drew his legs up and crossed them.

"You're just saying that to make me leave."

"How do you know?" Shiro turned to Ulquiorra and flashed him a wide grin.

"I know." Ulquiorra wasn't sure how to handle a stranger climbing into his bed in the middle of the night. He opted for the blunt approach and fell down onto his pillow.

"I'm going back to sleep. You do whatever you want, but not in my room."

"Can't I sleep here?" Ulquiorra frowned and sat back up again.

"Why?" Shiro shuffled bit closer yet.

"Why not?"

"This is my bed."

"Yeah, I know." Ulquiorra was silent as he tried to read the expression on Shiro's face. But it was hard to determine anything conclusive from that strange, almost manic grin that was plastered on his face, straining his sharp features into a near frightening sight. Especially in the dark.

"Give me one good reason why you want to sleep in my bed."

"Because you're sleeping in it?" Ulquiorra hoped he hadn't visibly flinched hearing Shiro's words. _Just when I thought this night couldn't get more horrible than it was. _

"Are you too scared to sleep alone?" Shiro's grin widened slightly and he lolled his head from side to side.

"You could say that yeah."

"I'm not used to sleeping with someone else in my bed." Just as he said it Ulquiorra knew it was a mistake. Shiro almost crawled right next to him, his teeth flashing in the dark as he smiled.

"Do tell more."

"Not that it's any of your business, doesn't that already tell you there's nothing more to tell" Ulquiorra snapped, instinctively moving away from Shiro till his back hit the wall.

"But I wanna know why that is" Shiro asked.

"Told you, none of your business."

"'Cause I'd fuck you." Ulquiorra almost let the horrible question, "you would?", slip from his mouth but managed to swallow it back. Shiro tilted his head as he stayed quiet.

"People generally take that as a compliment."

"Oh do they? Well, judging by earlier the people you associate with probably would take that as a compliment" Ulquiorra said, feeling his anger suddenly flaring up. He had already taken too much tonight, putting his own life in danger, taking care of this pest, getting the blame for something he would never do, and now this.

"I meant, I said it as a compliment."

"Why do you think I wanted to hear that?" Even Shiro seemed to sense the tension in Ulquiorra's voice but instead of pulling back he smiled, enjoying seeing Ulquiorra's walls finally cracking. He leaned forward, almost chuckling at the sight of Ulquiorra's green eyes widening even more.

"Just thought you should get a heads up" he said in a low voice. Ulquiorra stared at him with a frozen expression and then suddenly Shiro found himself looking at the ceiling. A sharp pain hit his side a split second later and Ulquiorra's bare feet hit the floor right next to his head.

"You'll need more painkillers for that" he said and walked out of the room, leaving Shiro lying on the floor. He was still trying to catch his breath after having it knocked out of his lungs by his sudden fall. _How the...The fuck? _

Shiro was still on the floor when Ulquiorra came back with a glass of water and more pills. For a second he thought whether he'd been too rash but that was quickly overrun by his still seething anger. He stood by his head, looking down at his confused expression. Shiro looked almost scared, his dark eyes scanned Ulquiorra in a very different light than before. Ulquiorra crouched down and handed him the glass and the pills.

"They should make you drowsy enough for you to fall asleep. You can stay there or take the couch, whatever you choose." Shiro hesitated before swallowing the pills, but he didn't even try to get up. Ulquiorra went back to his bed, turning his back to Shiro.

"I'll take you to a doctor in the morning." Shiro didn't even argue anymore. Besides, after that fall he figured he really needed to see an actual doctor. He could feel the searing pain piercing through his abdomen but didn't dare to look or touch the wound. He couldn't blame Ulquiorra for it, he had been asking for this. But never in his wildest dreams, which could be quite ferocious, had he thought this would happen. Or that Ulquiorra was capable of throwing him on his ass. _And he still fell apart when Grimmjow just shouted at him, he could've easily thrown him to the wall as well. Little guy's more interesting than I thought. _

Shiro smiled at the darkness. _Well, if he thought this was enough to get rid of me, he's wrong. I like when someone can handle a bit of a rough and tumble. _Shiro glanced at Ulquiorra's turned back and felt a shiver of excitement run through his spine. _Call me a masochist, he's got me interested._

* * *

_This was a bit strange, but I hope you found it enjoyable anyway. I'm picturing a smutty chapter next time, just to keep you all interested. _


	9. Chapter 9

_**Yeaaah, so, major OOCness to be expected here, then again I guess every fic with IchigoxGrimm pairing is that already by definition. Just trying to make it fit the characters I've made them out to be, I think it was interesting to write a somewhat non-sexy sex scene. Quiet desperation and so on. Tell me what you think.**_

* * *

**Chapter 9. _Got me losing every breath_**_**  
**_

Grimmjow was kneeling down next to the bed where Neliel slept, her small fingers wrapped around Grimmjow's hand. Ichigo peeked inside and let a ray of light shine against the floor. Grimmjow turned to him, Ichigo could see the black circles under his eyes were even darker than before. Grimmjow slowly drew his hand away from Nel's grasp and backed away from the room.

"She seems okay" Ichigo said quietly.

"Yeah" Grimmjow said, holding back a yawn as he rubbed his tired eyes. Ichigo suddenly felt selfish, here he was trying to harass Grimmjow about his own problems when he already had plenty on his mind. _I'm an idiot. I should just let him be, I can wait. _

"You should try get some sleep."

"No, I'm alright" Grimmjow tried to say but his words were cut off by another yawn.

"It's okay, just go to sleep" Ichigo said, "I can get up in a few hours and see if she needs anything. I can take your bed somewhere else if you can't sleep there." Grimmjow seemed to think about it and then nodded.

"Yeah sure." Ichigo dared a small smile and quietly shuffled into the room, grabbing the mattress and slowly backing out, trying not to wake Nel.

"You can sleep in my Dad's room, there's plenty of space there." Grimmjow followed him to the end of the hallway into Isshin's bedroom. There was a king sized bed dominating the small room, the sheets were rumbled from Ichigo sleeping in it. Ichigo threw the mattress on the floor at the foot of the bed. Grimmjow closed the door behind them, leaving them standing in the dark.

"I can sleep here, you can take the bed" Ichigo offered to Grimmjow, who walked to the bed and eyed it for a moment.

"Isn't that big enough for two?" he asked, catching Ichigo off-guard and almost making him drop the pillow he was holding. Grimmjow

"Uh, I guess so" he mumbled as he heard the chaffing of light fabric and then Grimmjow's shirt was thrown to the floor next to him. Grimmjow grinned as he noticed the tension on Ichigo's shoulders.

"Oh come on Ichi, getting scared are you?" As Ichigo turned, his face red with anger and embarrassment, Grimmjow kicked off his jeans and managed to hit Ichigo in the face with them.

"Son of a-" Ichigo started as he threw the jeans to the floor, then looked back up to catch a glimpse of Grimmjow's near naked body before he slipped between the sheets.

"Quit being a pussy Kurosaki and get in, you haven't slept anymore than I have" he told Ichigo as he snuggled under the covers. Ichigo stood still for good few moments, trying to calm his mind. His hands were shaking, a deep redness crept up his neck. Grimmjow threw another glare at him, patting the empty space next to him.

"Oh for fuck's sakes, I'm not going to rape you" he snapped, then that familiar smirk twisted his face, "unless you want me to." Ichigo flinched and turned his back to Grimmjow, but started to undo his jeans.

"Fine, whatever" he mumbled as he took off his clothes, almost angrily tearing at them. _He knows, he fucking knows, _he thought as he stomped on the legs of his jeans to get them off, _but then_ _why would he do something like this? Damn Shiro, he's told him and now he's going to torture me for it. _Ichigo pulled his hoodie off over his head, throwing it in the same pile with his jeans. Now wearing only his briefs, he picked up the blanket and pillow he had before, turned around and tried to avoid looking at Grimmjow as he laid down on the bed beside him. There was good ten inches of space between them, but to Ichigo it felt like nothing.

"Okay, good night then" he grunted as he tried to relax, which proved to be quite impossible as he was acutely aware of Grimmjow's presence so close to him.

Ichigo felt how suddenly Grimmjow was right next to him, though there was plenty of space on his own side.

"Grimm-" Ichigo said just as Grimmjow's arm snaked over his stomach, fingers gracing on his skin. Ichigo held his breath, almost waiting for a punch to land on his face if he did anything. Grimmjow's leg hooked around Ichigo's and pulled them closer together, Ichigo could feel the warmth of Grimmjow's body on his skin. He still didn't move, his mind was on stand-still as Grimmjow's hand crept up his chest to his neck.

He said nothing when Grimmjow pressed his face against his cheek, his breath hot on Ichigo's neck. Grimmjow turned Ichigo's face to him, and in the darkened room Ichigo could just make out Grimmjow's brilliant blue eyes before he kissed him on the lips. Ichigo was quick to respond to the kiss, his instincts acting before his mind did. Second later he felt panic rising inside him, making him scramble away from Grimmjow. But Grimmjow grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Grimmjow, what the-" Ichigo tried but quieted down again as Grimmjow crawled on top of him, still not saying a word. Grimmjow laid on top of him, holding himself up on his arms as their lower bodies touched. Ichigo was painfully aware of his own growing erection pressing against Grimmjow's thigh, an unwanted physical reaction to this strange situation. Ichigo bit down on his teeth, waiting for the moment when Grimmjow would reveal his bluff and call him out, most likely beating him just for daring to lust after Grimmjow. Ichigo looked away from Grimmjow's face, the situation and the stress was making him feel almost physically ill.

"Fine Grimmjow, you win, just get off me" he groaned, trying to wriggle away to save himself from further humiliation, but Grimmjow wouldn't budge. Instead, he leaned in closer, his lips pressing against Ichigo's neck. Ichigo let out an involuntary moan, only adding to his embarrassment. Grimmjow didn't seem to care, his knees dug into the mattress so he could free his hands that immediately started to roam over Ichigo's skin.

"Grimmjow, please" Ichigo was now almost pleading for him to stop, he knew that his self-control would soon give out in the face of his deepest fantasy coming true. He had wanted this for years, but now when it was happening it was all wrong. He knew Grimmjow hated him, to him this was a joke, just his twisted way to get back at him for something he'd done. Maybe he was doing it to taunt Ichigo, once he'd finally give in Grimmjow would stop and laugh, saying he's pitiful for thinking that Grimmjow might've actually wanted him.

Despite all that, Ichigo's judgement was starting to cloud as Grimmjow's hand moved lower, now resting gently on his abdomen. His lips were still kissing Ichigo's neck, sucking on the tender skin. Ichigo noticed his legs were shaking, his hands bundling the sheets into his fists as he tried not to respond. He almost bit through his lip as he tried to silence the moans that kept trying to come out of him. But he couldn't do anything about the small whines and his heavy breathing, and he was sure Grimmjow could hear them too. _If he'd just say something, anything!_

Ichigo felt his anger slowly waning, even his feeling of humiliation was now taking the back seat as Grimmjow moved his hand lower, inside his underwear. Ichigo's first reaction was to push into the touch, but his brain told him to move away, and he twisted his hips so that Grimmjow's hand slipped from his underwear. Now finally he stopped, pulling slightly back as Ichigo turned on his side with his back to Grimmjow.

"Grimmjow, stop this, please, I...I can't" Ichigo said again as he curled into a foetal position, trying to clear his head by breathing slowly, "just stop it, please." Grimmjow said nothing and Ichigo wanted to shout at him for being like this, for making him feel so conflicted. He felt disgusting just by thinking that it was this easy for Grimmjow to sway him, that all Grimmjow needed to do was touch him and he was long gone. _I'm so weak and pathetic. And he knows it, and he just wants me to feel it. Why?_

"Just fucking say something!" Ichigo snapped as his patience ended, burying his head into his hands. But Grimmjow was still silent, and instead of explaining or even just laughing and finally letting Ichigo know he had been right, Grimmjow moved his body closer again, his arm wrapping around his waist and his thighs pressing against Ichigo's. Ichigo had to take few seconds to realize what was just happening. _I'm...spooning. With Grimmjow. _And then another realization dawned on Ichigo as Grimmjow shifted, pressing his hips against Ichigo's back. _He has a hard-on._

Ichigo almost let out a squeal as he felt the pressure on his back, but managed to keep quiet. He felt his body slowly relaxing and the tension leaving his muscles. Grimmjow must've felt it too as he soon started to move his hand again, now going straight back between Ichigo's legs. Ichigo felt Grimmjow's mouth on his neck, his breath felt hotter than before. His overgrown hair reached to tickle Ichigo's skin. Ichigo didn't dare to touch Grimmjow himself, he still wasn't convinced this was happening because Grimmjow wanted him. He just let Grimmjow's hands and lips roam over his skin, dulling his senses and making him feel special.

Grimmjow moved his hand under the waist of Ichigo's briefs and started to tug them down. Ichigo let him, he felt his breathing getting shaky. After his underwear was out of the way, Grimmjow slid his hand on Ichigo's thigh, his almost gentle movements took Ichigo by surprise. He had though Grimmjow would've handled sex the same way he did with everything else, with forcefulness nearing violence and just nearly held-back anger. Then again, during the past few days Ichigo had seen a whole new side of Grimmjow, the one who took care of Neliel and even his mother, who he claimed to despise. There was gentleness to him, but it was reserved to very few people, those who needed him the most. Everyone else he treated with contempt and hatred, and until now he had treated Ichigo much the same way. _So...Why?_

Ichigo's question would be left unanswered for now as Grimmjow slowly wrapped his fingers around Ichigo's cock. Ichigo's breath hitched and he tried to control himself, but it was difficult as Grimmjow started moving his hand. Ichigo felt Grimmjow pull his hips back and move around behind him. Then suddenly Ichigo could feel Grimmjow's cock pressing against him, and gasped quietly. Grimmjow's lips were at his neck again, but this time hungrier, latching onto his skin with more force than before. Ichigo grasped onto the sheets again, his whole body shivering with anticipation. Grimmjow put his other hand on Ichigo's buttock, kneading it before sliding his fingers closer to Ichigo's entrance. Ichigo bit down on his lip as Grimmjow pushed inside him, the dull pain went over quickly as Grimmjow's tongue licked a patch along Ichigo's neck to his ear, and he could hear Grimmjow's labored breathing. His other hand kept moving on Ichigo's cock, a steady pace that made Ichigo moan quietly.

Grimmjow bit down on Ichigo's neck as he pushed in another finger, earning a breathy gasp and then a painful groan as Ichigo tried to breathe easy. Grimmjow's continuing silence wasn't helping the situation, it made everything feel strange as if there wasn't actually anyone behind Ichigo. Grimmjow drew his fingers out, making Ichigo exhale with a throaty moan. Luckily his mind was still completely gone as he quickly scrambled for Grimmjow, touching his side as he stretched his arm back.

"Grimm, we don't have any..." he said, then another wave of embarrassment made his tongue stop moving. Grimmjow was still for a second and then he was gone, and Ichigo was sure he would just get up and leave. But then he heard the chaffing of fabric, then the ripping sound of plastic wrapper and within few seconds Grimmjow was pressed against him. Grimmjow placed his head on Ichigo's shoulder, his hand returning to Ichigo's cock. Ichigo closed his eyes, clenching his jaw down as Grimmjow moved behind him. His hand squeezed the pillow under his head as Grimmjow pushed himself inside Ichigo, and Grimmjow groaned quietly as he stayed still. After awhile, it might've been seconds or whole minutes, Grimmjow moved his hips slowly and Ichigo could breathe again. Ichigo tried to focus on the moment as Grimmjow moved inside him, his hand still jerking on Ichigo's cock.

"Mmhhmm yeah, yes" Ichigo moaned before he even realized it, and could swear he heard Grimmjow let out a low chuckle. Ichigo buried his face on the pillow to drown out the more embarrassing noises he made and tried to somehow be of use, his hips pushing back to Grimmjow's movements.

Grimmjow picked up his pace slowly, his hand moving quicker on Ichigo's cock. Ichigo was already gasping and keening quietly as Grimmjow pushed into him, making small bright spots appear on his closed eyelids. Ichigo realized he was mumbling nonsense again, but didn't bother trying to stop it anymore, hoping Grimmjow wouldn't hear it through the muffled pillow. Grimmjow's lips were still at his neck, nibbling at his jawline. Ichigo felt a sudden flash of bravery and turned his head quickly, capturing Grimmjow in a liplock. For a second he felt Grimmjow stop, but then he continued, and his tongue prodded Ichigo's lips, sliding in as Ichigo opened his mouth to him.

Ichigo felt the tight ball in the pit of his stomach suddenly unravel as his cock started to twitch and he grabbed Grimmjow's arm just as he came onto his hand. Grimmjow kept moving, but then he bit down on Ichigo's lip, and he could taste blood on his tongue. Grimmjow's breathing stopped for a moment and then he pulled back, blood trickling down his chin. Ichigo's chest heaved and he flinched as Grimmjow finally pulled out, rolling off from the bed and heading out of the room. Ichigo snapped back into reality and now he felt the sweat on his skin and cum on his legs and stomach.

"Oh Jesus" he muttered as he threw his legs off the bed and tried to find something to wipe himself clean with. He heard footsteps in the hallway and Grimmjow slipped back inside. He walked over to the bed and something soft hit Ichigo on the back of the head. Ichigo grabbed it and noticed it was a towel. Grimmjow climbed back to bed and then stayed put as Ichigo tried to clean himself up. After that he tossed the towel away and turned to Grimmjow.

"Grimm...I..." he tried but Grimmjow was staring at the ceiling, not at him. Ichigo's voice trailed off as he thought what he could say to him.

"Thank you" he finally said, and for a second thought he had seen a smile flicker on Grimmjow's face. But he still kept quiet. Ichigo gave up and pulled the blanket over himself, trying to sleep. He finally fell into fitful sleep, waking up almost every hour until the morning. But he didn't notice how Grimmjow didn't sleep at all, before waking up and noticing he was gone. Ichigo got up and saw that he had taken Neliel with him, all their stuff was gone as well. Ichigo sat down on the guest room's bed, not noticing how it was neatly made. Ichigo leaned his head into his hands, figuring this would be the end of it. _I don't understand, just... Why? Why now? He obviously knew but why didn't he say anything? Why did he leave, did he regret it? Did I say something to make him do this, I don't get it!_

Ichigo groaned and got up from the bed, he didn't feel like staying in the house anymore. He first checked his father's bedroom to change the bed sheets, feeling another rush of embarrassment thinking he had had sex with Grimmjow in his father's bed like some teenager. _God, if that could've gone any worse I don't even want to know how. The only thing that still could've gone wrong would've probably been Yuzu or Karin hearing us. _ The mere thought made Ichigo shiver and thank his lucky stars the girls' bedrooms were in the second floor. He hoped they hadn't noticed Grimmjow sneaking out with Neliel either. _I should call Dad, maybe he's gone to the hospital. _But Ichigo had no idea what he'd say to Grimmjow, much less now than yesterday and even then he was struggling for words. But apparently he would've been wasting his breath anyway.

Ichigo snuck out of the house, leaving a note for the girls telling them he had gone back to his apartment. He decided to call Isshin later, his mind was still filled with questions from last night and he feared he'd let something slip if he asked his father about Grimmjow. He hoped the long walk back to his apartment would give him time to clear his head.

The cold air on his face felt somehow relaxing, the breeze seemed to sober his head a little. It felt good to be out of the house, back in the real world, and put everything into perspective. Ichigo strolled down the street, it was still relatively early and only a few people were around. The neighborhood was always pretty quiet anyway, and on a Saturday morning like this even more so.

Ichigo fumbled for his phone, hoping there'd still be some battery left so he could call Shiro. Grimmjow's strange little piece of information wasn't exactly doing any good to his worrying and Ichigo blamed himself for leaving Shiro alone and not even calling him back at any point, letting him know where he was. _I should've told him to come over and watch the girls while we were gone, he's good with kids. Weirdly enough. _Ichigo listened to the grating sound of the phone beeping, waiting to be picked up. But instead he got the loud, long beeping telling him the phone was either busy or out of battery.

"Damnit!" Ichigo said out loud, scaring a random passer-by, "oh, sorry…" Ichigo hurried his steps towards his flat, his own problems were suddenly forgotten as the dread of Shiro's fate loomed over his head. _I was supposed to look after him! Of course he's in trouble…_ Ichigo thought of calling Grimmjow and asking him more about the people he'd seen Shiro with last night but discarded the idea quickly, it had been pretty clear that Grimmjow didn't care if something happened to Shiro.

Ichigo arrived at his apartment and quickly unlocked the door, bursting in and almost falling right on his face as he hurried inside.

"Shiro? You home?" he called out, but there was no answer. The apartment was quiet and empty, the only signs of Shiro even having been there were the dirty dishes littered all over the kitchen counters and living room floor.

"Shit" Ichigo swore as he went through the apartment, even looking in the wardrobe with the foolish hope that Shiro was just playing with him. Ichigo buried his hands into his hair, his mind racing. _Where could he be? _Fearing the worst, Ichigo grabbed his phone again and started to ring through the hospitals of the town. He had hoped this time Shiro's visit had gone differently but it seemed he attracted trouble far too efficiently. _Let's just hope he's still in one piece when I find him. Last time was too close to comfort._

* * *

_Just to point out that this story is long from being finished, so there are a lot of things that will change before the story is over. But I hoped you liked the smut I had prepared for you, there'll probably be more in the future (not specifying with who, it's a surprise!). Anyways, till next chapter!_


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